Loss
It will be the last time I see her for 2 years...
The send off this morning at the airport was pretty ordinary... Just me, her dad, mum, brother, and a girl buddy. It was pretty rushed as well, thanks to the security people who insists on ransacking her every piece of luggage. I am of mixed feelings about that... On the one hand, it does mean the passengers are not bringing in contraband, which is a good thing, on the other, we had less time to say good bye... I digress...
The sense of loss did not strike me until now. I guess she must be safely at her new apartment by now, unpacking, chatting with her new room mates... Settling in.
She has always been there for me. Although we did not always talk to each other, but... There is a sort of chemistry between us, we have always understood each other as perfectly as two individuals can ever hope to do so. Although there is one other whom I can feel so completely at ease with... She is the one whom have shared so much with me... And hurted me so, just as I have hurted her and loved me, just as much as I have loved her.
I guess its true that you do not appreciate the people around you until they are gone. Although she is just abroad, I feel lost. It is as if a piece of me is missing. An important piece I have not even realised was there until it was removed. It was always in the background, yet it was always there... And the loss... The sense of loss...
As I think of her, there is this ache in my heart that threatens to bring me to tears, and I do not understand why. Is it the thought that I would not see her again for the next 2 year? That she is not around, physically? Or is it just self condemnation for giving her up once a long time ago?
On my way to the airport this morning, I was constantly questioning myself why I was going. I owe her a letter, and I spent 20 frantic minutes searching for a shop at the airport for stationery and writing material. I wanted to put thoughts to paper... I feel that I owe her this much. Just a short message would do. Nothing much... Nothing but just a few words to wish her well, godspeed and bon voyage, but yet I failed. I have let her down...
************************************************************************************
If you are reading this now, SY, you will always be someone that I will treasure and hold dear to my heart. All the best on your new journey. You can do it!
The send off this morning at the airport was pretty ordinary... Just me, her dad, mum, brother, and a girl buddy. It was pretty rushed as well, thanks to the security people who insists on ransacking her every piece of luggage. I am of mixed feelings about that... On the one hand, it does mean the passengers are not bringing in contraband, which is a good thing, on the other, we had less time to say good bye... I digress...
The sense of loss did not strike me until now. I guess she must be safely at her new apartment by now, unpacking, chatting with her new room mates... Settling in.
She has always been there for me. Although we did not always talk to each other, but... There is a sort of chemistry between us, we have always understood each other as perfectly as two individuals can ever hope to do so. Although there is one other whom I can feel so completely at ease with... She is the one whom have shared so much with me... And hurted me so, just as I have hurted her and loved me, just as much as I have loved her.
I guess its true that you do not appreciate the people around you until they are gone. Although she is just abroad, I feel lost. It is as if a piece of me is missing. An important piece I have not even realised was there until it was removed. It was always in the background, yet it was always there... And the loss... The sense of loss...
As I think of her, there is this ache in my heart that threatens to bring me to tears, and I do not understand why. Is it the thought that I would not see her again for the next 2 year? That she is not around, physically? Or is it just self condemnation for giving her up once a long time ago?
On my way to the airport this morning, I was constantly questioning myself why I was going. I owe her a letter, and I spent 20 frantic minutes searching for a shop at the airport for stationery and writing material. I wanted to put thoughts to paper... I feel that I owe her this much. Just a short message would do. Nothing much... Nothing but just a few words to wish her well, godspeed and bon voyage, but yet I failed. I have let her down...
************************************************************************************
If you are reading this now, SY, you will always be someone that I will treasure and hold dear to my heart. All the best on your new journey. You can do it!
posted by Faith, Hope, and Karitas... at 9:29 pm
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