Crossroads

Once I have put words on paper, I know there will be no turning back. I know from the beginning that there may be no place in your heart for me. But each time I see you, each time we speak, I find myself falling deeper and deeper… Like the moth to the flame…

I do not dare to say that I love you. Love is too sacred a word. But I do like you… I really do. I know I have never held your hands… Nor held you in my arms… Or hug and comfort you when you were down. It is not that I do not want to, but I cannot…

I will not…

I do not want a moment of weakness on my part to cause you additional pain and an extra burden you do not desire.

You tell me each time I sent you home that you appreciate my effort. I would like to tell you this:

It is I who should be grateful… I thank my stars each time I get the chance to spend these moments together with you. I do not mind the long trip on the bus… Or the walk back to your block. I catch a glimpse of heaven each time I look into your beautiful eyes… The sweet scent of you as you walked by my side and the cool of the night... These walks shall always be among my most treasured memories.

Do you know that you are the most beautiful woman in the world? I want to tell you that each and every time we meet, yet the words are always stuck in my throat.

You are perfect in every way. Your smile, your laugh… Your voice… The maturity of thought and keen intellectual discussions we had… Our shared passion for life... Similar interests… Ideals and values, about people, about family… You are so strong and yet so vulnerable… Streetwise, yet maintaining a carefree innocence, and a naiveté that is all too charming…

I do not know if you have any feelings for me… But the only way to go is forward, and once the line is crossed, there can be no turning back and the only way forward can hold something special only for two, no more.

As I write this, I knew that deep down inside, I have always dreaded this moment when a choice has to be made. I wish I could say that I can be happy so long you are happy but even if I can fool the whole world, I cannot lie to myself… It hurts too much to know that you are in the arms of someone else…

You are the only woman I have ever wanted to marry. You are the somebody I want by my side for the rest of my life, through good times and bad, happy and sad. All that I ever wanted is to stay by your side and keep you safe. To dry your tears as they fall, to give a shoulder for you to lie on when you are sad, and offer my arms when you need rest.

When heart meets heart… Love will light the way…

I hope that one day, you may meet me there by the crossroads so we may light life’s path together…