A Sense of Weariness

I am tired.

Its the people...

They drag me down.

Do they not understand their peril?

Do they not know how close they are dancing on the precipice?

A slip, and down they will fall... Deeper and deeper... Further and further...

Where is their sense of pride?

Where is their sense of self-worth?

How long more must I shout and scream, talk and cajole to strike a spark...

Igniting the desire to improve, to try, to strive, that lies hidden so deeply in them?

I am tired...

Reflections

Sigh.

Its near the end of June and I realised I've barely done 50% of what I had wanted to do during the short holiday. My figurines remain largely unpainted. My books unmarked. I did not go party as often as I wanted (only once). Weights training was curtailed by a combination of procrastination and diarrhea. Swimming sidelined due to weather. Tennis due to a lack of courts and sometimes, opponents.

However, I did get a lot of time to myself. I got to look at my choices and decided that I would stick with my decision to do law next year after all. I do not know whether I am ready for it. I do know that I do not have all the resources to carry through the entire degree program without borrowing from relatives and friends, and maybe even the bank. I know that it is going to be a long, hard and difficult road, and there may not be light at the end of the tunnel. And I do not know if, after 4 years of studying and hard work, would it really be a road I eventually choose to walk.

However, the most important thing I do know is that I would have regrets if I fail to take advantage of this opportunity now. I do not want to let the years slip me by, only to look back 10 years from now and sigh.

I guess the difference in failing, for me at least, is in the trying. If you do not try and fail, you feel good, because you can always justify your failure, saying that you failed only due to a lack of effort, and not due to a lack of ability. However, if you tried hard, worked hard and fail, it would be due to a lack of ability and talent on your part. You. No one else would be there to shoulder that responsibility for you. And that, sucks, big-time.

I would choose the second path though. Not always, but I'll try. This is not beause I like feeling bad, or that I like proving that I lack the talent or ability to succeed, but because this is what growing up is about. This is what life is about: Responsibility, and Character.

The responsibility to shoulder personal failures. The character to persevere and strive in the face of daunting odds. Life is not always measured in terms of pass/fail, but what you have gained through the process, of the journey inward, of what you have discovered about your limits, and the personal shortcomings that stopped you short. I think that only by knowing yourself better can you work hard at progressing and becoming a better person.

That is why I can hardly ever become angry at my kids. Not because I have the temper of a saint, but because they are in the process of growing up, and they should be given an opportunity to grow up. To discover their personal limits, and to stretch their own abilities to the fullest, limited though it might be. They must be given a chance to learn how the world works, and also learn how to wear the mantle of responsibility. Shouldering it, if they are to grow up and become adults. I might rave and rant, growl and shout, but anger can easily be feigned. Lion cubs should learn their limits before they roar after all. The world is not a kind and forgiving place. Not cruel though it may seem at times, but it is what it is and lion cubs should learn their place in it, master their skills, and develop their abilities before they strive for the sky.

I am not angry when my kids do something stupid and screw up. What I do get angry at is their persistence in their stupidity when they refuse to correct their mistakes, or fail to take responsibility for their own actions/mistakes. What pisses me off is that they refuse to work and then blame their failures on others. What disappoints me most is the lack of effort to even try.

This is likely my last, next to last year here. I know where I am to go on from here. My sole worry is, do my kids?

Korea 2006!

Finally, after 6 months, I finally managed to put up the last bit of my vacation photos. These are from my trip to Korea. Basically, being the idiot I am, I flew on the 20th, 1 day after I returned from Vietnam. Unpacking and repacking your bag for 30 degrees to 10 degrees under with a night in between is no joke. I was constantly worried about the availability of underwear for 2 long trips in a row, hahahahahahaha!!

The Art Museum. Converted from a mid-century castle.

The Imperial Palace.

Lotte World. I still don't get what's all the fuss about this place.

And I still don't understand why everyone wants a photo of this stupid merry-go-round thingy.

About to embark on the train ride to the ski-resort. Yeah!
(In case you are wondering, yes, I'm not smiling much cos my lips are cracking... Ouch!)

Korean entertainment, 'Live!!!' on the train ride ")

Yes, I know... I'm crazy to be eating ice-cream when its -10 degrees. What can I say? I'm always 2 french fries short of a Happy Meal ;-D

Took this at around 6-7am in the morning. Having a couple hours of jet lag between Vietnam, Singapore and Korea.

My Skis!

Finally! 4 years after Mt Buller in Australia, I got my skis under me again! Its so cool to be skiing... Despite the problems I met with the Kikkoman. Totally spoiled the whole trip.

Still... 3 hours on skis is not to be sneezed at. It was pretty much what I spent 2k+ on this vacation for 'bleargh' "(

Tousled hair after skiing... ")

The scenery from the top of the mountain was stunning. As to be expected ")

Seafood steamboat... Korean style... Yummy!

This was dinner. Korean BBQ. Nothing we wanted really... The waiter can't understand us, and we got whatever they decided to serve... Fatty pork and veggies. Still, a delicious meal if you can stomach the lard ;-D

A clear vista of pristine snow I found for the children to play.

The poor kids can't ski, and the stupid Kikkoman didn't help at all. It was so sad watching the kids having such a lousy time playing in the snow... Really... So, I decided to be a good Samaritarian and lo and behold! Guess what I found during my wonderings up and down the mountain during the break of dawn, heehe ")

First steps on virgin snow :)

Yea yea, I know... Abit of egoism here... Heehehehe :D

Post-play. Hahahaha! Thats what's left of the beautiful snowscape after we are done. Btw, did I mention I tore my jeans having a snow ball fight with TTT and the rest of the gang. Thank goodness for BLACK underpants! "D

This was Seoul. Their central plaza which they did up, meaning they installed an Olympic -sized skating rink along with a colossal Christmas Tree. Talk about romantic... Right? ")

The Christmas Eve crowd along the streets of Seoul. Apparently, a large proportion of Koreans are Christians... Boy do they enjoy their X'mas shopping!

The kimchi I made *grin*

I even brought it back with me. However, I threw it away rather than eat it cos I left it in the fridge for too long (a month too long in fact *eeewww!*)

The last autumn leaves. Actually, its winter, but apparently, it was a warm winter, so the trees are still sheddinng their leaves in Seoul.

My pals, their other halves, and the rest of the kiddies of the tour group.

Took this shot as I was walking along downtown Seoul. I thought it was a pretty nice picture.

One of the Korean street treats.

It looks weird, an egg instead of the usual red bean or cheese filling, but boy was it good to eat, and dirt-cheap too!!! If not for the 'black' face of the hawker and his 'ai lai, mai suah' attitude, I would have bought extras too! "p

My new 'girlfriend', Dae Jang Guem... Hahahahahaha!!!

This is the courtyard of the palace. A movie set of course.

Hahaha! Just can't help it, CH and I re-enacting a torture scene from "Jewel in the Palace". With the cooperation of J, his lovely wife of course ;-)

One last shot on the movie set of 'Jewel in the Palace".

Of course, what's a travellogue without a shot of a cutesy furry little animal. This puppy is darn cute!

Adio!!

Actually, Korea wasn't too bad. Despite the poor services of the Kikkoman, I have to say I had a bit of fun. The ski experience sucked big time. Perhaps I had higher expectations from previous experiences in Australia. Otherwise, I found most Koreans to be rather friendly and helpful.

Communication is a real issue though. Most of them can't speak English to save their lives, so do bring a billingual dictionary if you plan on going out and walking around on your own like we did.

I do not think I'll be going back to Korea anytime soon. Perhaps once more to experience Summer on Jeju Isle or something. Now to Egypt or India, Dec 2007. Watch this space! ")

Vietnam and Cambodia Part 2

Well, here's part 2 of my Cambodia and Vietnam chronicles. I'll try and let the photos do most of the talking, adding in commentaries along the way.

Can't see anything? Well, thats us along the causeway to Angkor Wat at around 5am in the morning, trying to catch the sunrise.

Sunrise over the main temple complex of Angkor Wat. Pathetic, right? We were rather upset, apparently, there was lots of heavy cloud cover that day... Hhmmmphh!

Wwwoooo....!!! Eeerie!!

Dawn over Angkor Wat... Sigh... Dreary looking morning ")

One of the many large courtyards (1 of 16?) within the main temple, yes, main temple. This does not include the 500m causeways and moats x 2, and the 2 smallish ponds in the compound.

The East Wall, the engraving covered the entire wall of the East and West wing of the temple. Thats alot of engraving... Circling the outermost walls of the temple compound.

Erm, the gals, acting weird before breakfast.

The centre-most tower of Angkor Wat. This is where the ancient cambodians place the Golden Lingam for worship.

Just love this picture... Dunno why, heehehe "D

The impossibly steep steps we have to climb. The ancient people who lived here must have been as agile and nimble as monkeys. I mean, imagine climbing up and down these steps carrying heavy burdens on your heads and stuff... Eeekk!!!

Engraving of Apsaras. Heavenly Nymphs. Many were defaced and destroyed.

The causeway towards Angkor Wat.

Bas-reliefs of ancient Khmer Kings at the Banyon, the ancient palace of the Kings.

Inside the Banyon...

Well, we are making asses of ourselves...

This was taken from the window of the rebuilt North Library. It was crumbling to the ground when Japanese researchers took it apart stone by stone and rebuilt it after stabilising the ground. Parts of the Banyon are slowly sinking into the ground as it is not strong enough to support the palace structure.

Its a bird, a plane, no, its the moon!

No lah, its a laser balloon from Tokyo University. The Japanese are scanning the entire palace with the laser scanning device mounted on the balloon. This allows them to rebuild the palace with accuracy subsequently.

Found this lovely spot to take a picture ")

Sanskrit engravings on the walls. Almost all the temples and buildings in Angkor are covered with intricate carvings like this. The amount of effort and man-hours involved is staggering.

The fact that they remain even now a tribute to human endeavour.

Haha... Another picture taken for comic relief ")

This temple was built according to some ancient philosophy. The doors stretch in a straight line from one end to the other as you can see...

Ta Prohm. An ancient temple left by the Angkor authorities in its discovered state, which means ruined.

As you can see, the temple has been in ruins for a long time. So much so that hundred year old trees grow freely throughout the structure.

Nature recovering its own.

Banteay Srei. By this time, we are all tired of exploring old temple ruins all day.

This temple is famed for the use of sandstone in its construction. It results in a rose-like hue in the colour of the temple.

Rushing back to catch the sunset over Angkor Wat. I managed to take this on the ride back.

In fact, I was the only one who managed to get any photos of the sunset. Everyone else was asleep by this time. In addition, we got there so late that everyone else was coming down even as we were running up the hill overseeing Angkor Wat "(

My 'black' boots after a day walking around the ruins of Angkor.

After a hard day exploring ruins a.k.a Indiana Jones style, its time to treat ourselves to a delicious dinner.

Cambodian Steamboat, sadly, is nothing to write home about. We got snake meat, venision, pork, chicken, and a few others. The meat are burnt on top, and we got raw lard instead of butter. The lard would burn and run down the sides, cooking the meat.

I ended up asking for repeated servings of instant noodles. The best part besides the chewy snake meat, hahaha!

Vietnam Air, the only way to fly...

Luncheon Meat sandwiches, an extremely rough take off and landing...

I was so glad to be alive after landing. Phew!

And my only souvenir... Cool T-shirt design, right?

All right, thats all for now. I'll try and do the Vietnam and Korean Trip potos asap during the holidays. *Fingers Crossed*