Loss

It will be the last time I see her for 2 years...

The send off this morning at the airport was pretty ordinary... Just me, her dad, mum, brother, and a girl buddy. It was pretty rushed as well, thanks to the security people who insists on ransacking her every piece of luggage. I am of mixed feelings about that... On the one hand, it does mean the passengers are not bringing in contraband, which is a good thing, on the other, we had less time to say good bye... I digress...

The sense of loss did not strike me until now. I guess she must be safely at her new apartment by now, unpacking, chatting with her new room mates... Settling in.

She has always been there for me. Although we did not always talk to each other, but... There is a sort of chemistry between us, we have always understood each other as perfectly as two individuals can ever hope to do so. Although there is one other whom I can feel so completely at ease with... She is the one whom have shared so much with me... And hurted me so, just as I have hurted her and loved me, just as much as I have loved her.

I guess its true that you do not appreciate the people around you until they are gone. Although she is just abroad, I feel lost. It is as if a piece of me is missing. An important piece I have not even realised was there until it was removed. It was always in the background, yet it was always there... And the loss... The sense of loss...

As I think of her, there is this ache in my heart that threatens to bring me to tears, and I do not understand why. Is it the thought that I would not see her again for the next 2 year? That she is not around, physically? Or is it just self condemnation for giving her up once a long time ago?

On my way to the airport this morning, I was constantly questioning myself why I was going. I owe her a letter, and I spent 20 frantic minutes searching for a shop at the airport for stationery and writing material. I wanted to put thoughts to paper... I feel that I owe her this much. Just a short message would do. Nothing much... Nothing but just a few words to wish her well, godspeed and bon voyage, but yet I failed. I have let her down...

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If you are reading this now, SY, you will always be someone that I will treasure and hold dear to my heart. All the best on your new journey. You can do it!

Shit happens...

There's been lots happening lately...

Overworked, undersappreciated (Whats new? Haha...)

Been called to do my duty to the nation... Twice in a row... (Not making babies... But quite bad enough, thank you *grin*)

My grandparents are getting old. My granddad's been in and out of the hospital rather often lately. My grandma has been complaining of pain in her joints and stuff...

Been reading some BlOGs... I guess there's a lot of things happening to the friends around me.

I should count myself lucky. After all, I am doing something I am always very passionate about. I like teaching... Correction, I love teaching... There is always something new you can learn from your kids, and from yourself. Life skills you cannot pick up in any other job, anywhere else. My only complaints are that the additional duties and make work are distracting me from what I love to do most... :)

I am proud of being able to serve my nation. Although I know and realise that I am but a cog in the machine, a small cog, very very small... But at least I am able to contribute in my own way to the continued existence of my home. Something which many people around the world are forced to pay for in blood. I consider some sweat and toil on my part a small price to pay. Silly? Naive? Perhaps... But I have never mocked sincerity and effort from anyone and I am not about to start now. t is from the little things that we take from granted each day that great things are made...

Death...

I guess I am coming to terms with the fact that I am going to lose my grandparents one day. Sad? Yes... Sorry? No... They have lived a long life. A long and fulfilled life. What is there to be sorry for if their existence on this earth have been so enriching and fulfilling? I can only hope that I can live each day to its fullest so I will not be sorry when my time to die comes.

Each day has to be lived as if its your last. Sounds easy? I think that is one of the hardest thing to do, because I've tried, and I am not very good at it. There are things I still feel I have time for, friends I have not called for along time because there is always next week. Work that is not done because there is always tommorrow. Affairs that are not settled because there is always the weekend.

But each day has to be lived that way because we do not know what the day will bring... Lightning might strike, a wrong turn, being at the wrong place at the wrong time... What is it about the human psyche that makes us procrastinate? Fear of failure? Death of hope? Or just plain laziness?

Guess I have digressed...

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All the best KY. May God be with you and family in this moment of trial.