Hydes Needs

Hydes he,
Dark needs...

Innocence to crush and despoil.

Dark side, spotlight
Upon a virgin flower.

Vestige of dear beauty spied,
Spawned the beast of desire...

Desired to crush in bodily embrace,
Consume in passion, depraved love/ lust...

The Beast, he Hydes,
Within Nightside...

Commitments...

Finally...

After months of wrangling, negotiating, I've put my name to paper and bought my apartment. My own house. Well, not mine alone (obviously, due to Singapore's Housing Laws "p), but sorta my place, and a retirement home for my grandparents.

It seems like such a small thing at first. Then suddenly, I realised that I'm committed. I'll be debt for the remainder of my working life, and maybe beyond, and the thought scares me. I've never liked the idea of being tied down to a place, a thing, a somebody. No doubt I did flirt with the notion at times... But still...

Tried telling myself that its an investment, that I can repay the loan way before it reaches its due term. Sigh... Lies...

Am I doing my duty by being the fillial grandson? Why should I? Why can't my uncles and aunties provide? Aren't my grandparents their parents? Shouldn't they be more concerned?

At times, I really do wonder what do adults think, despite the fact I am technically one of them now. All they are concerned about is how much my grandparents contributed towards the flat, how much they paid and how much I paid for the downpayment. As if I am cheating them of their inheritance. What nonsense. I paid for everything okay!!

Downpayment, through government grants, and CPF monies!!

My debt!

My loan to clear!!

Hands off you all!!!!



Sigh... Better start asking the lawyer about the making of a will for my grandparents and me... "(

V-Day

Its that time of the year again.

You know? That time? When florists are smiling, and the guys are blushing... The gals would be waiting in anticipation or splashing on various goodies for looking good, tempers flare over the phone lines about last min reservations, while singles...

Is it so bad being single?

Sometimes, I really do wonder. The girls I am attracted too are all too often attached, or simply without chemistry. The ones whom likes me, I am not interested in.

I often tell myself that my work should come first. That I have time... That it is not fair if I commit myself, only to hurt her because my kids need me more than she does. Am I lying to myself? Is it fear of reaching, the terror that I might fail, or a lack of self worth stopping me from getting what I want?

Love is a curious thing... It strikes when you least expects it... But I've let slip one, and forsaken another ever since my last relationship... Isn't it time I find someone, anyone already?

I was watching 'I do I do' with a buddy of mine. Its a cliche. That the someone you are looking for is already by your side, do not be too choosy, settle for someone who loves you, not someone you love... Is it true?

Sigh... I am rambling again... Time to sleep...

Post Party Blues

Old friends, old faces, new lines...

Everyone is stressed. Working life is draining everyone I know. Only the students are still genuinely happy. Why is this?

Are we doing the things we like? I am. I still enjoy teaching... HJ is doing his own business, in a field of his own choosing. K is doing something he wanted to do since years ago. SY is working in a field which allows her to march forward, B is working for something he has such enthusiasm for. So why are there so many lines on their faces? Why are there the same lines on mine?

We were all chilling out... Yet... So much are the same, and yet so much are different. Everyone was here in person, but not everyone are here in spirit. Where have all the laughter gone? The sense that the world is ours, that easy smile, the crappy jokes, where, where where?

How should we turn these frowns into smiles? Would you guys be the same next year? "(

Chinese New Year ")

Haha... Its the time of the year when I would host a party at my place again ")

I'm feeling so excited about it... Catching up with old friends, having a wild time together, mahjong, cards, mixing and drinking or just plain chilling...

I can't wait! "D

Workaholic in Training

I wonder what I am working for.

Each day is pass in a daze. Lessons, kids, lecturing, teaching, adminitration, preparation, reading, copying, writing...

I am turning into the corporate zombie I always dreaded. Attuned to work, immune to play. Playing the game to get ahead, making no sense of life. I watch my friends around me change. Changed by the monotony that is working life, change as life deals them a poor hand, a joker card. Laughter turns to solemnity...

I miss the chill out sessions. I miss partying all night. I miss the care free life I used to enjoy. Most of all, I miss my friends... "(