Faith, Hope, Karitas

Almost Home...

2009-09-03T19:34:00.003+08:00

Whew... Its been quite a few weeks of hustle and bustle... Travelling from place to place. In case you are wondering, I'm typing this from a dingy little Internet Bar in Macau, away from the Great Firewall of China.

The trip so far was rather cool. In fact, if not for the Visa issue and costs incurred, I would have considered travelling for a couple days more. Although I did not cover everything I had initially wanted to... or planned to, I did cover abt 60% or so of the places I wanted to go to, which wasn't too bad for a half-baked, unplanned trip like mine. ")

So what did I cover so far?

Beijing, 180809 - 240809, then Shanghai 240809 - 010909, which was interrupted by day trips to Suzhou on 260809, and Hangzhou 310809, and a weekend in Xi'An from the 280809 - 300809. Finally, I flew to Macau on 010909, took the ferry to Hong Kong the next day on 020909, and I'm gonna fly back tmw, 040909.

Some famous sights I saw are the Forbidden City, Summer Palace, Great Wall (a small small section of it :p), the 13 Ming Tombs, Yonghe Temple, Tian Tan Temple and Huaqing Spring. I also visited the Terracotta Warriors, went boating in a small canal town in Suzhou by night, walked by the West Lake in Hangzhou, climbed Hua'Shan and saw the site where the great fictional pugilistic heroes (Dong Xie, Xi Du, Nan Di, Bei Gai, Zhong Shen Tong, as well as Guo Jing) fought their duels. This is punctuated and concluded by the various urban sights I saw in Shanghai, Macau and Hong Kong. Along the way, I was conned, cheated, almost went crazy, and even made some new friends. ")

Anyway, I'll slowly put up a blow by blow of my trip after I return tmw ") Don't hold your breath though... There's like 8 gigabytes worth of photos to sort through and arrange before posting, along with some videos.

Gotta stop here now cos my time is almost up... I'll try my best to put up stuff as soon as I get back... Bye!

An ending, and a new beginning: To Travel China

2009-08-18T00:48:00.008+08:00

And here I am, thinking that a 4 months hiatus was bad.

This post was one long year in the making... Though there were 4 drafts in between, I lost a lot of impetus and motivation to write more. Anyway, I think readers *if there are still any* would not be interested in all those dated stuff *posted on facebook or lost in the daily hustle and bustle of life* so lets all just treat this as a new start, shall we?

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For those still n0t in the know, I've quitted from MOE *finally* w.e.f. from 29th June 2009, ending 5 years of service to society.

Though there were many ups and downs, I really appreciated the many people whom I met during this time, particularly my colleagues, friends, buddies, and students. They have all taught me alot, and I felt I've gained much in retrospect.

Therefore, here, I would like to express my thanks to everyone whom I have encountered in my journey through education, be it the students I have scolded, or wrote me letters when I was down, colleagues who lunched, laughed, and bitched with me. Thank you. Thank you, all of you.

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Right, anyway, now lets start with some pictures ")

This was my packing, done at 12.10am, just 8 hours plus more from flight time.

And this was taken at 12.45am, all done but for the last minute stuff. Oh ya, and new locks, which I need to get at the airport cos I forgot the combination to the old one gggrrrrr "p

The problem with a big bag like mine is that you can pack everything, and you are often tempted to do so *just in case*, which sucks cos everything ends up so dang heavy! After some editing and clearing, I am fnally left with something reasonable, which also leaves me some space for goodies and souvenirs *wink*

All these is packed for my month-long travel through China. For those interested, I'll be flying to Beijing first, then I'll be travelling via train to Datong, to visit the Yungang Caves, then pass by Wu Tai Shan and on to Luoyang, followed by the Terracotta Warriors at Xi'An, and maybe Hua Shan, followed by Suzhou, Shanghai, where hopefully, I can sleep over at a friend's. This will be followed by Hangzhou, Putuoshan, then I'll be on the train again to Xiamen via Zhejiang, and maybe a visit to Yongding to see the Hakka tulous, before journeying through Guangzhou to Shenzhen, followed by makan fest in Hong Kong, finally ending at Macau, where, hopefully, I can make a killing at the casinos before I fly back home to Singapore, phew!! Hahahaha, quite a mouthful, isn't it?

From now on, I will try my best to update my blog on a more regular basis so you can track my progress through China. If nothing goes wrong *touch wood touch wood*, should be back sometime mid-late September, so guys and gals, if you have anything you like from China or Hong Kong/ Macau, please place your orders. *P.S. Expensive items have to be paid for by you okay? And nothing too bulky ok? Its a backpacking trip, not mass cargo shopping etc trip "p*

Alright now, thats all folks... Wish me luck! ")

Reflections

2008-06-12T00:24:00.003+08:00

Its kind of weird to resurrect my blog after a 4 months hiatus. Guess its procratination at work again. There's so much to update that I'm worried about getting started, and guess what, the more I delay, the worse the problem becomes, hahaha.

Anyway, life goes on... I guess I'll have to quit in December. Apparently, I'm not good enough for NUS Law. Hhhmm... Guess its UOL, and that means I should save more before I go.

My buddy K has been egging me on to quit. I guess he has a point, the longer I delay, the more I may not leave. Its easy to procrastinate when you consider the many unknowns in the world outside. The shool is a safe and secure environment. Its a known factor, which is always better than the unknown, which creates fear and unease in people. I should know, thats basic psychology after all. Still, I guess the final decision is mine, and I would feel more secure about quitting if I have a larger amount of savings for rainy days and stuff.

Played tennis with an old pal of mine 2 weeks back. Haven't seen him or talked to him for almost 2 years. Its kind of cool really, to just chat and talk like we've never lost touch at all in the first place. Its like the conversation was always there... Just waiting for us to pick it up again. I think this is the difference between the guys and the gals. Guys are buddies for life, regardless of frequency of contact, whereas girls (Sorry Ladies!) tend to drop in and out of the select circle based on how often they call or talk to each other.

That's it for now. I'm running a fever even as I typed this... Typical of illnesses to strike the minute I'm on holiday.. First the feet last week, and now this... Grrr....

I know I promised some photos of the first paintball session. I'll put it up soon, by the end of the week if possible (fingers crossed). ")

Escape

2008-02-29T17:07:00.002+08:00

I seek escape...

From this soil.

From troubles numbered, and heavy toil

Responsibilities varied, and crushing weights

Of shackles bonds, invisible steel.

I want to fly, high in the sky

Far and away, to start afresh.

A New Year, A New Start

2008-02-28T23:39:00.000+08:00

2008 has started and January is almost over.

That was how I started my post and I left i hanging there for over a month.

I can really feel ennui and the lack of motive force in my life these days. I wonder if its a form of mid-life crisis.

It seems that many things are happening at the same time. With my work life, personal life, and family life. I want someone to share my burdens with, but these pillars of support are nowhere to be found. Everyone is busy with their own worries, their own life, their own frowns.

Sigh...

Happy 2008.

Truth

2007-12-01T00:47:00.000+08:00

The true reason why I hate to say goodbye,

Is that each time I do so,

I fear

It would be the last time that I do.

Fairytales

2007-11-25T01:38:00.000+08:00

Watched 'Enchanted' with my best friend today.

The show left me with mixed feelings. I reflected upon some things that happened in my life recently and I felt the urge to pour it out here on my blog.

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Why do so many believe in fairy tales despite the fact that we all know that there are no happily-ever-afters? Are we stupid? Or foolish?

I think the reason lies in one word, and that word is 'hope'.

I think that everyone of us live our lives in hope of something better. Be it fame and fortune for ourselves, health or well-being for our loved ones, or even world peace and happiness for others who share this earth.

Hope is the fuel that keeps all of us going. Hope is the driving force behind our every endeavour, our every effort and labour. Without hope, there is no joy. Without hope, there is no passion. And without hope, there can be no life.

Yet that brings me to one question. How do we decide when does hope becomes fantasy. How do we draw the line between dreams and realities? Do we give up all hope when a dream seems further and further in the distance, or do we give up our desire, our passion when we have need of bread and butter?

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I realise that I am reaching another crossroad in my life. Do I forge on, in hope of what seems more and more like a folly? Or do I settle for reality? Am I overlooking something that has always been close to me, or am I seeing mirages, and imagining fantasies?

Increasingly, I begin to feel that sight is a curse. I must needs be blind to see with my heart.

Thief!!!

2007-11-15T00:20:00.000+08:00

Caught a thief in my room the other day. Even took these photos as evidence...

Prepare to meet me in court you thief!!!

Hahahahaha!!!

The little thief spied the loot... Prying off the lid...

Counting the loot.Making off with the loot... Holding it out of reach of potential would-be interceptors...
Finally... Munching away happily on the 'fruits' of her labour.

Hahaha!

This will teach me to leave my chips in the room... And in reach of a certain 1m tall chips thief.

I love little JoJo!

A Moral Compass

2007-11-14T22:41:00.000+08:00

Once upon a time, there were two friends. Andy and Gabriel. One day, Andy and Gabriel were walking along a stream when they came upon a huge tree, sheltering a pond. It was a truly wonderful place, cool, and restful.

“It is a wonderful place to bring my children for a swim and some fun in summer!” exclaimed Andy. “I agree.” said Gabriel.

“Well, if you are really interested, let’s build a swing here under the tree… And maybe a pier in the pond for boats and canoes.” Gabriel said.

“But I’m not rich… I doubt I can afford it.”, said Andy sadly.

“I’ll buy the materials for you,” replied Gabriel, “Why don’t you pass me a list of the materials you need? I’ll buy them for you.”

“Well… That’s okay I guess.” Andy said doubtfully.

Weeks passed. Andy never passed Gabriel a list of construction materials. Puzzled, Gabriel reminded Andy about the building of the pier and swing to create a playground at the pond for Andy’s children.

“Well, I have the list somewhere, but I forgot where I placed it. I’ll give it to you when I find it.”

“Okay then. Please pass it to me soon then, alright?” Gabriel replied.

Months passed. Andy and Gabriel were caught up in work. They were so busy they worked day and night. Gradually, Gabriel decided Andy was not interested in the idea of building a playground for his children after all.

Six months later, Andy and Gabriel completed their projects. Andy came to Gabriel and asked him for money.

“But I thought you were not interested anymore! After all, there was no news for months!” Gabriel replied. “Besides, there is still no list…”

“But, but, you offered your help.” said Andy.

“Indeed, its been six months without news. Surely you don't expect me to keep waiting? I mean... When will the wait end? Next year? Or two years from now? I mean, every offer have an expiry date, right?” Gabriel explained.

"But, a promise is a promise, how could you break it now?" Andy retorted.

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Ladies and gentlemen, what do you think? Who’s right and who’s wrong? Is Gabriel wrong to withdraw his offer after six months wait? Is Andy right to lay claim after keeping silent for so long? What d you think?

Why English Teachers Die Young

2007-11-08T11:18:00.000+08:00

I saw this on a friend's blog and went to look for it online. To be fair however, I doubt MY students ever wrote so much without making at least 3 grammar errors... Sigh...

Why English Teachers Die Young(Humor Break)

Actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at

high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E.coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

26. Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.

27. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

28. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

Birthday Thank You

2007-10-31T01:28:00.000+08:00

A very warm thanks to everyone who remembered my birthday and called or sms-ed to express their warm wishes for me. Thank you.

Like S and A's calls just past the stroke of midnight (sorry I can't pick it up, out jogging), my sisters and brother-in-law's well wishes, K's midnight sms, a long distance call from the US of A from SY, C's 'just can't wait' sms an hour before midnight, A, J, and SM's bday treat, YZ's and LY's well wishes, the list just goes on and on.

Thank you all.

I didn't expect the calls and stuff. I know I have been a somewhat lousy pal at times. Abit too busy to give you a call, abit too busy to meet up for tea... Maybe abit to busy to keep you in mind. Thats why I was so grateful and thankful that the reverse is not true.

You hunks and babes are the reason why life is so enriching and worthwhile. The simple thoughts and well-wishes is like sunshine, heart-lifting and warm. You guys make life great! (I think this is getting kinda mushy and puke-inducing by now, hee)

Anyway.. Thanks once again for all the well-wishes!!

Thank you!!! ")

Meeting the Hump

2007-10-26T00:32:00.001+08:00

Well...

Close friends would know that I am exercising more intensively these days. In fact, I am keeping an exercise log so that I can keep track of my progress. Not turnng into a health freak yet. Just wanna keep fit and feel better about myself.

However, I did feel a reluctance to go exercise sometimes. Its like a devil over my shoulders, whispering sweet nothings into my ears, seducing me with promises of pleasure from sleep, chips, and procrastination.

I am very lucky that I have the support of my sister, my brother-in-law, and a close friend in this. Each week, they would take turn to accompany me to go jogging in the park. Although the timing is quite bad, 11pm-12am most nights, I am not complaining. These are the people and support you need whenever you start something new. They are seeing me through my hump. Hopefully, I would not need their constant presence once I'm over my hump. Hopefully, hopefully, I will also lose perhaps 10kg at the end of the 12 weeks, just in time for start of school, haha!

Anyway, I will be doing 3 series of cardio and strength exercises each week for perhaps the 1st month, and then increase from there. And I gotta follow some sound advice... Sigh... Gotta say goodbye to good, rich, sinful food for a while... sob sob!! :'(

Suicide

2007-10-24T00:33:00.000+08:00

Hahaha!

No worries... I'm not having any suicidal thoughts yet. Hold your horses and don't celebrate too early, kiddos!!!

Did something quite stupid today. Forgot to pace myself. I went for a jog at 11pm, immediately after my strength-training at 10.30pm. Almost expired during the 2.4km run. In fact, I did only 1.8km cos I was gasping so badly for air. Was fighting chest pains and dizziness as well.

Moral of the story: Know your limits.

So stupid of me... Hahaha! "p

Bored

2007-10-23T14:01:00.000+08:00

Had a very bored day in the office today. Did some admin work. Had brunch. Lazed around. Sigh...

Did this Blogthing survey... The result is definitely something my friends would agree with (fingers crossed), while my students would vomit over, hahaha!!

You Make a Great First Impression

You can handle almost any social situation with grace, even the tricky ones.
Strangers often find you charming and interesting. You are often remembered fondly.
Even if you're not naturally outgoing, you can make conversation with anyone if you need to.

Whether you were born this way or had to work to get here, you are definitely charismatic.
You're popular and well liked. People definitely look forward to being around you.
Your social connections bring you a full and rich life. You understand how important it is to make a lasting impression.

What Kind of First Impression Do You Make?

My Poor Shoes

2007-10-19T00:51:00.001+08:00

Sigh... My shoes made the strongest possible statement for my weight-losing campaign.

They tore.

So sad right?

Sigh...

Well... One more run tomorrow morning before I rest my poor feet and knees, and back, and... (You get the idea) for the weekend... Ganbatte!!! ")

Its like a visit to the Dentist...

2007-10-18T13:49:00.000+08:00

I made a big discovery last night.

Jogging and exercising to keep fit and lose weight is like a visit to the dentist. Before the big event, your mind will play tricks on you. You will dread the coming moment, you will try to come up with excuses to avoid the inevitable, you will ask yourself, "Why am I so stupid to put myself through this."

But... But... But...

When the big moment comes, you will realise that all is not as bad as you think.

In fact, I am looking forward to my next 2 jogging sessions... Tonight, and tomorrow morning... ;)

A Letter to my 4A

2007-10-03T23:48:00.000+08:00

To 4A,

Aren't you glad the N Level exams are over?
I had wanted to write this letter to each of you individually, but, haha, I am too lazy. Anyway, the letter would largely be the same anyway, so I might as well write it down on an electronic medium rather than kill more trees. After all, I think I have killed enough trees printing all those exam papers for your lessons and practices.

Here goes.

Dear 4A,

The two years spent with you is nearing an end. The 4 years you have spent here at NCHS is coming to an end too. Let me first congratulate you on having made it so far.

I know the time spent in NCHS has not been easy. In fact, it must have been hell at times, especially with me. I have deliberately made it so. I believe you must have wished that this old bastard, a.k.a Mr Goh would drop dead and die at times. I think I owe you an explanation for this, so here goes.

Life for you, all of you, would be very difficult. You may be looked down on, trodden, despised, used, and maybe even discarded. Even though you have made it thus far, the road ahead would only get tougher, twistier, rougher. So why work hard at all?

I see in each of you potential for greatness. But diamonds will only be stones if they are left uncut. Gold will be rocks unless smelted. And iron unburnt and unbeaten will never become steel. Consider my treatment as the beating, hammering, smelting, and cutting process. I do not know how many of you appreciated the process. I made it deliberately difficult and harsh for you. Some dropped out along the way. Others rebelled and chose to unchanged. More still already shine in their own way, these few, I tortured to make them more polished, to shine even brighter.

Society would not be as kind. A mistake in the workplace would mean the loss of a job. A mistake in public may ruin your future. Things that you are allowed to get away with now will never be tolerated when you are elsewhere. Thus, it is better that you feel the lash and suffer now, rather than commit a mistake that will condemn you for the rest of your life.

I do not expect any of you to come back and visit me or Mr Ting. But it is my hope that all of you would make something good of your life.

I do not expect everyone of you to start studying and go to university and get a degree, but merely work hard, and use your brain efficiently. Think, before you do. Just remember, whenever you encounter an unreasonable customer, or perhaps boss, or lecturer, even a stranger, just remember, Mr Goh from Nan Chiau was worse than this.

Hahaha!
A few last words I hope you would bear in mind:
1) You don't have to like it, you just have to do it.
2) That which does not kill you, will make you stronger.

I hope that over the years, your 4 years in Nan Chiau may become memries filled with fondness and warmth.

Good Luck and Best Wishes in Whatever You Do!!! (Crimes and Illegal Activities excepted of course! "p)

Stupidity

2007-10-03T23:25:00.000+08:00

From wikipedia:

"Stupidity is the quality or condition of lacking intelligence, as opposed to being merely ignorant or uneducated. This quality can be attributed to both an individual or a person's actions, words or beliefs. The term can thus also refer to poor use of judgement or insensitivity to nuances in a person who is otherwise intelligent."

Individual and Collective Stupidity

In psychology, this is known as deindividuation in crowds, and can lead to behaviours usually not displayed outside the specific social situation. The behaviours occur because individuals will conform to perceived social norms in order to 'fit in' or project an impression of self as "normal".

I think this was firmly displayed by a healthy part of my kids today.

I do not think being called stupid is a bad thing. It implies that they still possess intelligence, which may be shown to be throughly lacking AT THAT MOMENT. This is very different from being called an imbecile or an idiot for example, which implies that the lack of intelligence is genetic and permanent.

And just what is the point I am trying to make here?

The point is this. It is extremely stupid to jeopardise your own future simply because you cannot control your mouth. It is not an unreasonable request to remain silent for 5 mins or even 10 mins after a major exam so that the examiners can evaluate and count your scripts. After all, you have remained silent for an hour or two beforehand. Besides, anything you say after the scripts are in would not affect your grades. However, the things you do after the paper has ended can affect your grades. Let me explain:

The examiners are under a very tight deadline. The papers are supposed to be delivered to the exam centre within one hour after the end of paper. Late delivery may be rejected or declared void due to security, breach of technicality, and et al reasons.

Given the above reaons, does it make sense to talk so loudly so as to disrupt the examiner from their counting, delaying their departure time, thus jeopardising your grades?

I do believe the above points were highlighted and brought to the kids' attention, but did they bother to listen?

I do not know why I allowed this to bother me so much today. Perhaps it was due to the various discussions I had with the people around me over the past few weeks. Over the past years, discipline has became a four-lettered word among various members of the academia, the masses, parents, educationists, and even our children. Freedom of choice, individuality, and rights are the battlecry of our modern society now. But the costs? I think none of us may be able to afford the costs. Especially not our children.

My journey here is almost at an end. However, their journey is just beginning. I really do hope they would grow up to be contributors, and not parasites.

Farewell

2007-09-03T22:08:00.000+08:00

July was a month of farewell.

I bid goodbye to the man who gave me my first memory.

Of dusty lane,

and bike chain creaking.

Swaying down the lane made gold,

By the rays of the sun setting.

A little boy, his lips bleeding...

Yet behind him,

His grandpa

Paddling...

He felt so safe and secure.

Good bye Ah Gong.

Good Bye.

A Sense of Weariness

2007-06-27T13:26:00.000+08:00

I am tired.

Its the people...

They drag me down.

Do they not understand their peril?

Do they not know how close they are dancing on the precipice?

A slip, and down they will fall... Deeper and deeper... Further and further...

Where is their sense of pride?

Where is their sense of self-worth?

How long more must I shout and scream, talk and cajole to strike a spark...

Igniting the desire to improve, to try, to strive, that lies hidden so deeply in them?

I am tired...

Reflections

2007-06-19T01:23:00.000+08:00

Sigh.

Its near the end of June and I realised I've barely done 50% of what I had wanted to do during the short holiday. My figurines remain largely unpainted. My books unmarked. I did not go party as often as I wanted (only once). Weights training was curtailed by a combination of procrastination and diarrhea. Swimming sidelined due to weather. Tennis due to a lack of courts and sometimes, opponents.

However, I did get a lot of time to myself. I got to look at my choices and decided that I would stick with my decision to do law next year after all. I do not know whether I am ready for it. I do know that I do not have all the resources to carry through the entire degree program without borrowing from relatives and friends, and maybe even the bank. I know that it is going to be a long, hard and difficult road, and there may not be light at the end of the tunnel. And I do not know if, after 4 years of studying and hard work, would it really be a road I eventually choose to walk.

However, the most important thing I do know is that I would have regrets if I fail to take advantage of this opportunity now. I do not want to let the years slip me by, only to look back 10 years from now and sigh.

I guess the difference in failing, for me at least, is in the trying. If you do not try and fail, you feel good, because you can always justify your failure, saying that you failed only due to a lack of effort, and not due to a lack of ability. However, if you tried hard, worked hard and fail, it would be due to a lack of ability and talent on your part. You. No one else would be there to shoulder that responsibility for you. And that, sucks, big-time.

I would choose the second path though. Not always, but I'll try. This is not beause I like feeling bad, or that I like proving that I lack the talent or ability to succeed, but because this is what growing up is about. This is what life is about: Responsibility, and Character.

The responsibility to shoulder personal failures. The character to persevere and strive in the face of daunting odds. Life is not always measured in terms of pass/fail, but what you have gained through the process, of the journey inward, of what you have discovered about your limits, and the personal shortcomings that stopped you short. I think that only by knowing yourself better can you work hard at progressing and becoming a better person.

That is why I can hardly ever become angry at my kids. Not because I have the temper of a saint, but because they are in the process of growing up, and they should be given an opportunity to grow up. To discover their personal limits, and to stretch their own abilities to the fullest, limited though it might be. They must be given a chance to learn how the world works, and also learn how to wear the mantle of responsibility. Shouldering it, if they are to grow up and become adults. I might rave and rant, growl and shout, but anger can easily be feigned. Lion cubs should learn their limits before they roar after all. The world is not a kind and forgiving place. Not cruel though it may seem at times, but it is what it is and lion cubs should learn their place in it, master their skills, and develop their abilities before they strive for the sky.

I am not angry when my kids do something stupid and screw up. What I do get angry at is their persistence in their stupidity when they refuse to correct their mistakes, or fail to take responsibility for their own actions/mistakes. What pisses me off is that they refuse to work and then blame their failures on others. What disappoints me most is the lack of effort to even try.

This is likely my last, next to last year here. I know where I am to go on from here. My sole worry is, do my kids?

Korea 2006!

2007-06-08T21:50:00.000+08:00

Finally, after 6 months, I finally managed to put up the last bit of my vacation photos. These are from my trip to Korea. Basically, being the idiot I am, I flew on the 20th, 1 day after I returned from Vietnam. Unpacking and repacking your bag for 30 degrees to 10 degrees under with a night in between is no joke. I was constantly worried about the availability of underwear for 2 long trips in a row, hahahahahahaha!!

The Art Museum. Converted from a mid-century castle.

The Imperial Palace.

Lotte World. I still don't get what's all the fuss about this place.

And I still don't understand why everyone wants a photo of this stupid merry-go-round thingy.

About to embark on the train ride to the ski-resort. Yeah!
(In case you are wondering, yes, I'm not smiling much cos my lips are cracking... Ouch!)

Korean entertainment, 'Live!!!' on the train ride ")

Yes, I know... I'm crazy to be eating ice-cream when its -10 degrees. What can I say? I'm always 2 french fries short of a Happy Meal ;-D

Took this at around 6-7am in the morning. Having a couple hours of jet lag between Vietnam, Singapore and Korea.

My Skis!

Finally! 4 years after Mt Buller in Australia, I got my skis under me again! Its so cool to be skiing... Despite the problems I met with the Kikkoman. Totally spoiled the whole trip.

Still... 3 hours on skis is not to be sneezed at. It was pretty much what I spent 2k+ on this vacation for 'bleargh' "(

Tousled hair after skiing... ")

The scenery from the top of the mountain was stunning. As to be expected ")

Seafood steamboat... Korean style... Yummy!

This was dinner. Korean BBQ. Nothing we wanted really... The waiter can't understand us, and we got whatever they decided to serve... Fatty pork and veggies. Still, a delicious meal if you can stomach the lard ;-D

A clear vista of pristine snow I found for the children to play.

The poor kids can't ski, and the stupid Kikkoman didn't help at all. It was so sad watching the kids having such a lousy time playing in the snow... Really... So, I decided to be a good Samaritarian and lo and behold! Guess what I found during my wonderings up and down the mountain during the break of dawn, heehe ")

First steps on virgin snow :)

Yea yea, I know... Abit of egoism here... Heehehehe :D

Post-play. Hahahaha! Thats what's left of the beautiful snowscape after we are done. Btw, did I mention I tore my jeans having a snow ball fight with TTT and the rest of the gang. Thank goodness for BLACK underpants! "D

This was Seoul. Their central plaza which they did up, meaning they installed an Olympic -sized skating rink along with a colossal Christmas Tree. Talk about romantic... Right? ")

The Christmas Eve crowd along the streets of Seoul. Apparently, a large proportion of Koreans are Christians... Boy do they enjoy their X'mas shopping!

The kimchi I made *grin*

I even brought it back with me. However, I threw it away rather than eat it cos I left it in the fridge for too long (a month too long in fact *eeewww!*)

The last autumn leaves. Actually, its winter, but apparently, it was a warm winter, so the trees are still sheddinng their leaves in Seoul.

My pals, their other halves, and the rest of the kiddies of the tour group.

Took this shot as I was walking along downtown Seoul. I thought it was a pretty nice picture.

One of the Korean street treats.

It looks weird, an egg instead of the usual red bean or cheese filling, but boy was it good to eat, and dirt-cheap too!!! If not for the 'black' face of the hawker and his 'ai lai, mai suah' attitude, I would have bought extras too! "p

My new 'girlfriend', Dae Jang Guem... Hahahahahaha!!!

This is the courtyard of the palace. A movie set of course.

Hahaha! Just can't help it, CH and I re-enacting a torture scene from "Jewel in the Palace". With the cooperation of J, his lovely wife of course ;-)

One last shot on the movie set of 'Jewel in the Palace".

Of course, what's a travellogue without a shot of a cutesy furry little animal. This puppy is darn cute!

Adio!!

Actually, Korea wasn't too bad. Despite the poor services of the Kikkoman, I have to say I had a bit of fun. The ski experience sucked big time. Perhaps I had higher expectations from previous experiences in Australia. Otherwise, I found most Koreans to be rather friendly and helpful.

Communication is a real issue though. Most of them can't speak English to save their lives, so do bring a billingual dictionary if you plan on going out and walking around on your own like we did.

I do not think I'll be going back to Korea anytime soon. Perhaps once more to experience Summer on Jeju Isle or something. Now to Egypt or India, Dec 2007. Watch this space! ")

Vietnam and Cambodia Part 2

2007-06-07T20:36:00.000+08:00

Well, here's part 2 of my Cambodia and Vietnam chronicles. I'll try and let the photos do most of the talking, adding in commentaries along the way.

Can't see anything? Well, thats us along the causeway to Angkor Wat at around 5am in the morning, trying to catch the sunrise.

Sunrise over the main temple complex of Angkor Wat. Pathetic, right? We were rather upset, apparently, there was lots of heavy cloud cover that day... Hhmmmphh!

Wwwoooo....!!! Eeerie!!

Dawn over Angkor Wat... Sigh... Dreary looking morning ")

One of the many large courtyards (1 of 16?) within the main temple, yes, main temple. This does not include the 500m causeways and moats x 2, and the 2 smallish ponds in the compound.

The East Wall, the engraving covered the entire wall of the East and West wing of the temple. Thats alot of engraving... Circling the outermost walls of the temple compound.

Erm, the gals, acting weird before breakfast.

The centre-most tower of Angkor Wat. This is where the ancient cambodians place the Golden Lingam for worship.

Just love this picture... Dunno why, heehehe "D

The impossibly steep steps we have to climb. The ancient people who lived here must have been as agile and nimble as monkeys. I mean, imagine climbing up and down these steps carrying heavy burdens on your heads and stuff... Eeekk!!!

Engraving of Apsaras. Heavenly Nymphs. Many were defaced and destroyed.

The causeway towards Angkor Wat.

Bas-reliefs of ancient Khmer Kings at the Banyon, the ancient palace of the Kings.

Inside the Banyon...

Well, we are making asses of ourselves...

This was taken from the window of the rebuilt North Library. It was crumbling to the ground when Japanese researchers took it apart stone by stone and rebuilt it after stabilising the ground. Parts of the Banyon are slowly sinking into the ground as it is not strong enough to support the palace structure.

Its a bird, a plane, no, its the moon!

No lah, its a laser balloon from Tokyo University. The Japanese are scanning the entire palace with the laser scanning device mounted on the balloon. This allows them to rebuild the palace with accuracy subsequently.

Found this lovely spot to take a picture ")

Sanskrit engravings on the walls. Almost all the temples and buildings in Angkor are covered with intricate carvings like this. The amount of effort and man-hours involved is staggering.

The fact that they remain even now a tribute to human endeavour.

Haha... Another picture taken for comic relief ")

This temple was built according to some ancient philosophy. The doors stretch in a straight line from one end to the other as you can see...

Ta Prohm. An ancient temple left by the Angkor authorities in its discovered state, which means ruined.

As you can see, the temple has been in ruins for a long time. So much so that hundred year old trees grow freely throughout the structure.

Nature recovering its own.

Banteay Srei. By this time, we are all tired of exploring old temple ruins all day.

This temple is famed for the use of sandstone in its construction. It results in a rose-like hue in the colour of the temple.

Rushing back to catch the sunset over Angkor Wat. I managed to take this on the ride back.

In fact, I was the only one who managed to get any photos of the sunset. Everyone else was asleep by this time. In addition, we got there so late that everyone else was coming down even as we were running up the hill overseeing Angkor Wat "(

My 'black' boots after a day walking around the ruins of Angkor.

After a hard day exploring ruins a.k.a Indiana Jones style, its time to treat ourselves to a delicious dinner.

Cambodian Steamboat, sadly, is nothing to write home about. We got snake meat, venision, pork, chicken, and a few others. The meat are burnt on top, and we got raw lard instead of butter. The lard would burn and run down the sides, cooking the meat.

I ended up asking for repeated servings of instant noodles. The best part besides the chewy snake meat, hahaha!

Vietnam Air, the only way to fly...

Luncheon Meat sandwiches, an extremely rough take off and landing...

I was so glad to be alive after landing. Phew!

And my only souvenir... Cool T-shirt design, right?

All right, thats all for now. I'll try and do the Vietnam and Korean Trip potos asap during the holidays. *Fingers Crossed*

Vietnam and Cambodia Part 1

2007-05-02T10:14:00.000+08:00

For those who didn't know (shame on you), I went to Vietnam and Cambodia 5 months back during the December Holidays. It was a pretty exciting trip, and damn fun. However, I did not upload the photos or blog the trip due to some problems with blogger as well as my firewall. Now that the problems are cleared up, I guess there are no more excuses for me not to put the exciting stuff up.

As it was quite a long trip, I will upload the pictures by parts. Hopefully, I will get around to uploading the photos from my Korea trip as well before they die of old age... Heehehe...

Day One: This was taken in Pho 2000, Vietnam. A delicious lunch of pho and misc side dishes after the meals on the plane... Yummy!

Day Two: Rushing day and night, we finally reached Siam Reap after some scary encounters at the border with some insistent men, street children and more. The buildings are remnants from the colonial era. Here, we were trying to look at some of the local handicrafts at the street markets after we have settled into our hotel.

Lunch at a North Indian Restaurant. We had lots of curries, including this totally gross, thick green mush (which they claim is also a curry).

Since there was so little to do or shop, we booked a 'tutuk' and set off for 'Dawn' mountain (not sure if I got the spelling right here). Supposedly one of the local tourist attractions besides the ruins of Angkor Wat.

'Dawn' Mountain from afar.

It was quite cool taking this picture. I was actually leaning part of the way out of the 'tutuk', with my camera shaking and bobbing away. I was actually more worried some fella would perform a snatch theft on my digital camera than falling off the moving vehicle, hahaha!

The view from the top of 'Dawn' Mountain.

Actually, I was more interested in the rice fields. They stretched away for quite a distance in the background, interspersed only with small patches of human habitations.

This was one of the clearer shot, taken with flash.

This was taken without. Notice the difference? Heehe!

(Hint: The small 'bump' on the right.)

An artsy fartsy shot of moi. Hahahaha!

Well, after a long day fooling around, its time for dinner, street hawkers style along the streets of Siam Reap!

Maggi Mee... Fried... MMMMMM! Yummy!

(Do remember to tell the hawker to lay off the salt and msg!)

*wink wink!*

To our surprise, we found a bubble tea store, just around the corner in the midst of the night market area.

Hahaha! Just right to chill out after our tasty (and salty) dinner.

The owner was quite friendly and accomodating.

(Considering the amount of noise and fuss we made)

Asian travellers being in the minority, it was nice to see a face of the same ethnicity. By the way, the little shop was pretty cosy. So much so we pretty much took off our shoes and took over a third of it all for ourselves.

Thats it for now... I'll continue with Day Three and the pictures of Angkor Wat the next time :)

Way Back Into Love

2007-04-11T19:52:00.000+08:00

Watched Music and Lyrics the other day and somehow, the song has been stuck in my head for weeks after. Finally decided to track it down and post it online... Just for the hell of it. Enjoy :)

Way Back Into Love

[Cora]
I've been living with a shadow overhead
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on

[Alex]
I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need them again someday
I've been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

Chorus
[Cora & Alex]
All I wanna do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
Oh oh oh

[Cora]
I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but I just don't see the signs
I know that it's out there
There's gotta be something for my soul somewhere

[Alex]
I've been looking for someone to shed some light
Not somebody just to get me through the night
I could use some direction
And I'm open to your suggestions

Chorus
[Cora & Alex]
All I wanna do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end

[Cora]
There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

Chorus
[Cora & Alex]
All I wanna do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that I'll be there for you in the end

I have a dream

2007-04-09T12:15:00.000+08:00

I was about to start this post a.k.a. Martin Luther King by going "I have a dream..." but it seems weird to hijack his famous starting line because A) My dream is not as grandiose, B) He is a great visionary for his people while I'm not, C) His speech inspired and ignited a generation of Americans and will live for generations more while mine is less than a page long and may inspire mass vomit and hysterical laughter if I'm lucky at all, but I digress.

I think my friends would know that I am contemplating quitting teaching as I am quite tired of the system. Well... Quitting is well and good, but what comes after? At 28, with only a degree and some 3 years in the Civil Service for experience, my resume do not look good. In addition, a B.A. with merit do not have much financial clout in today's market. After some consideration, I decided to pursue my first dream, which is to get a Degree in Law. Hahaha! Yes... Kaw GeGe is thinking of becoming a LAWYER... Hahahahahahahaha!!!

I would not go on about how this dream came about or the details of how I plan to complete my degree with the limited resources available to me. Suffice to say that when there's a will, there's a way. What I want to say is more important than this. I realise that my buddy, K, is right. When you decide to work towards your dream, every single day is a day you look forward to. Everyday becomes a joy, when you look forward to a new beginning rather than counting down towards an end.

Despite my sickness, I am living life with more energy than ever before... The depressive lethargy that has plagued me from the beginning of the year has largely lifted. I am finding more time for my work now, because my work has a purpose, which is to fund my dream. I am always looking at new opportunities, new jobs, because they may allow me the time and money to do my degree part-time. I still have fears... Fear of paying the mortage on the house on time, fear of not getting a place in university, fear of wasting the next 4 years of my life I decide not to take the bar after all... But these fears are not chains for the wings of my dream, they are the anchors rooting me to reality, they are the whips spurring me to new heights.

I have a dream.

Sick and Tired

2007-04-05T08:16:00.000+08:00

Been falling sick pretty regularly these weeks... Even as I am typing, I can still feel the grumbling in my tummy from 4 hours of stomach churning and diarrhea till 2 am last night. It is so bad I am planning to visit the doctor's immediately after school today.

The last 2 weeks have been pretty depressing on the whole. It is amazing how MOE persists to say there are no problems when teachers are quitting everywhere. The turnover rate is so high I wonder what's wrong with our education system. Colleagues who have joined us for a few months are already looking at alternative options after their bond ends.

To add to my sense of depression, two of my better students got into trouble yesterday for skipping class. It was such a disappointment that I actually felt my heart ache. Perhaps its a symptom of an impending heart attack or something... Sigh...

Anyway, I am looking forward to school to end in a few hours time. Then, I'm gonna see the doctor, and rest over the Good Friday weekend...

Looking forward to May...

Crystal Mirror! A Touch of Black :)

2007-04-02T23:13:00.000+08:00

Well well well.... Yet another party event, this time, courtesy of my chiong buddy S, who dragged my ass out of a mahjong party, to a private party at Crystal Mirror, the limited time only, European Fine Dining Theatre at the Padang.

So, on the 24th of March, 2007, we met at 11.30pm on a Saturday night in town. As it turns out, the evening didn't start too well... We were caught in the rain at City Hall... After 15mins of wussing around, we finally decided to run for it, following closely behind this caucasian gentleman, and his lady friends, who turned out to be attending the same party we are.

Anyway, the tentage was quite beautifully done. To be honest, I felt really out of place among all the expatriates, the models, the socialites, the rich, and somewhat famous faces dotting the area. One of the few times I felt a loss for words.

The only sober photo we took that night.

Hhhmmmm, I guess I have to say it was quite an experience for me. I've never been to an exclusive private party before, and never chionged with the rich and famous...

It was quite the eye opener, meeting 4 surgeons, 2 pilots, a journalist, 3 marketing executives and other misc ppl throughout the course of one night. It was quite the opportunity for a savvy fella to network, though I must say I was at quite a disadvantage, having no name cards, and owning a rather non-marketable job i.e. teaching.

Anyhow, it was still fun, especially once the drinks start coming in, and the music started grooving...

Raj, resident bartender, full time surgeon, party animal. Famous Last words:" Just drink, its the doctor's orders."

Just one of the many vile concoctions made from the doctor's lab. Vodka, vodka and raspberry liquer, energy drink, 7-up and champagne, urgh!!!

A word of advice for chionging with the jet-setting crowd. These guys sure can drink! Throughout the night, I counted 3 bottles of champagne at $350 per pop, 2 bottles of Vodka at $250 per bottle, 3 bottles of Raspberry Vodka Liquer at $100 each, and even a 12-year bottle of aged Tequila at $800 per bottle (which I must say is surely one of the smoothest drink I ever had, neat, heehe).

This was the part when S finally got high and wanted to dance.

The live band was spinning some great music that night, accompanied by some great tempo from the drums... Too bad the party crowd can't be seen. My clique prefers dancing way behind, where there's room to show off our moves :)

E, one of the new friends I made that night.

I guess I wasn't as drunk as this fella who decided to drink while doing his thing... :)

More Vodka! Courtesy of this young, drunk, gentleman who dropped by and put it into my lap... Free booze!!!

Well well, talk about cultural differences, imagine my surprise when this young fella popped by and dropped the vodka into my lap without so much as a bye. That is a very kind and generous gesture from him. I wonder how many Asians would do that, passing the booze around when you are too drunk to do anything with it. More likely we would be enquiring with the waiter the possibility of storing it away for our next visit. Too bad I was pretty high then and really wasn't in any condition to do it justice. I think I finally left the bottle with the doctors and pilots to polish off with as they please :)

In conclusion, I guess it was a pretty good night of fun. It was the nearest I got to being drunk in the presence of almost total strangers. Of course, I had to send my buddy S home, so a measure of sobriety had to be retained (though it was Raj the Doc who sent her back in the end).

Adios Crystal Mirror! Hope to have fun under your canopy again soon!

Its been a while... Since the last smile...

2007-03-31T07:02:00.000+08:00

Good morning friends... I'm now writing live from school, at like, 7 in the morning, on a Saturday... And yet I'm still smiling :)

I haven't felt this happy in a long time. Its like a dike has bursted, allowing the stream to flow again... A small stream perhaps... But its like a welcome rain after a long drought... Refreshing, and invigorating.

I was just looking through the photos of some friends online via Friendster. People old, and dear, and perhaps just a tad out of touch (my bad), and I see how their lives have moved on in so may directions, to so many different parts of the world, or to many different aspects or levels of society when a sensation of happiness came into me.

I am just feeling so happy for them, these friends, people who walked the same path as I for a time... Looking at them, living their dreams, wandering through the journey of life made me realise that this current episode likewise, is just a chapter in my life. A tad unpleasant perhaps, but definitely a memory to savour when over. Something to drink and laugh over a glass of wine with dear friends. It is something that will pass when I move on, perhaps to greener pastures, or perhaps towards new horizons.

I am happy now. And I am looking towards the far horizon in anticipation. Cherishing fresh hopes, not nursing old fears.

Dragonfly@St James

2007-03-17T21:13:00.000+08:00

Wowwee, what a night! As usual, I made arrangements, called a few ppl, and chionged on the last friday before school reopens. So what's new? Well, the venue for once. The latest 'happening' joint at St Jame's Power Station. What a original idea, right? Converting an old run down power station into a clubbing venue... To be sure, I was pleasantly surprised by the reality of the concept. I mean, to talk about it is one thing, but to actually do it, thats another. Hats off to Dennis Foo for bringing it off, again :)

Anyway, here's a run down of the events that night.

9pm: Meet SH and E for dinner (need to pad the stomach lining before drinks)

9.45pm: Queue outside Dragonfly

The party as it was when we went in.

10.15pm: Went out, met S, brought her in to meet the rest.

10.30pm: F called. Says she's at the Cleo event at Power Stage and would I like to go over to meet her friend *she wants to introduce her single, nice, stewardess friend to me ;)*

10.45pm: Tried entering Power Stage, but denied entry by bouncers as the event has already started (sigh)

11.00pm: HJ called, says he's here with his friends, and would I mind meeting them to bring them in?

11.20pm: In Vivo carpark putting away stuff. Fel called and asked where I am.

11.30pm: Met F and her BF (beefy hunk with biceps the size of my thighs), squealed, "KS!!! Why are you so late!? Where did you go!!?? My friend left!!" et al et al... Looked at her BF for support out of a sense of male solidarity.

Anyway, the BF was a contestant in the Cleo Competition that night. I guess that explains her presence. Btw, sorry I forgot your name, but no real names here on my blog anyway, so... :)

12.00am: Finally, finally!! Back in Dragonfly. Drank 6 shots at a go (Johnny Walker n Green Tea) to make up for lost time queuing outside.

12.15am: HJ got a call from the gals T, C and ST. He went to get them while I had more drinks, heehe :)

Action by the live band. Cantopop rocks too!

DJ got up and at it! Party is starting to groove ;)

1.00am: Party sorta got going for a while, in between sets by the live band, and retro from the DJ.

S and I posing while SH (behind us) looks mesmerised by the action onstage.

I gotta say, its the first time I ever heard Cantopop. Even S, who sucks at Chinese could bob along and dance to the Mandarin/ Cantopop tunes. The band was that good. I'm never ever gonna think of Cantopop as pre-teens Ah Beng music anymore :)

4.00am: Supper at Geylang with S and SH (Hey, its the poor fella's bday after all... Someone gotta give him a treat, heehe...). Got the last plate of beef horfun before they closed for the night. MMMmmmmmm!!!!

5.00am: Home... Tired... Tipsy n Bloated.

Conclusion: I do not think I will be going back. Mainly due to the bad service attitude of the bouncers at Dragonfly, who are intent of cramming every single customer into the club instead of servicing re-entrants. There is no sign of respect for the paying customer at all. Besides, I still miss Mambo@Zouk the most. I think I'll go there the next time. Miss the home-coming atmosphere ;)

Back from the Dead

2007-03-15T23:09:00.000+08:00

Sorry to disappoint all my students, and fellow miscreants. I am not yet dead from feasting, drinking and partying throughout the 'long' holidays, NYE, CNY, March Hols, et al, hahahahhahahaha!

Actually... Been trying to complete my posts on my trips to Cambodia, Vietnam and S.Korea, but with the Google migration and wat nots... Been having lots of problems. The layout is not correct, drafts are lost, etc... Sigh.... Quite tired uploading the pics again and again actually. I wonder what's wrong with the server... Hhhmmm....

Anyway, this has been quite an okay year. My workload is still about the same due to various factors, however, and so I am still getting ard 4-5 hours of sleep each night. I've been trying to sleep normally because I realised that there are times when I got up at 4 or 5am, only to do nothing... No lesson plans, no marking, nothing... Which is a waste of perfectly good sleeping time.

Well, the year thus far has been quite interesting. Been attending various weddings... One friend of 15 years just got hitched over in the USA to a Chinese lady he met while working there, my NUS Swaps mate YP is getting married to her long time beau QM, and I'm asked to be the 'bro' for the groom. My 8th grand-uncle's youngest daughter just got hitched too. Together with the various 'pink A-bombs' I've been receiving, this looks to be a busy year... *poor wallet, sob sob ='(*

Sigh... Anyway, I hope to keep this blog updated on a more regular basis... Heehehe... Provided I get some time out from work, boozing, and chionging... So do check back once in a while! *fingers crossed*

Flying Tomorrow

2006-12-13T23:00:00.000+08:00

Hi all,

Flying to Vietnam then Cambodia tomorrow. Feeling really excited, yet worries at the same time. I've been reading up on the two countries and it seems that the local crime rate is rather high, with prevalent snatch thefts, robberies, etc. Moreover, my group's travel plans are not set yet, rather, it remains very fluid and subjected to changes.

Anyway, I am looking forward to exploring Angkor Wat, the Killing Fields, various museums, and local delicacies. I guess I really do owe myself a holiday after so many months of work, hahahaha!

Wish me luck, and that I do not step on any land mines, tata!!!

*12 hours to take off!*

Impersonator

2006-10-09T13:47:00.000+08:00

Hi all,

Just received news that someone is impersonating me on MSN Messenger. Apparently, this fella ripped some of my pics off Friendster, and went around irritating my students, claiming that he/she is me... (lonelii_joker@hotmail.com... I think)

Well... I dunno what kind of kick... Erm, or ick he/she gets out of impersonating me, but...

To: Weird Creep Impersonator

Re: Get a Life!!!

A word of advice... Get a life. I know you admire success. As in, friends, family, career, character, looks, personality, charm, etc... Get some of your own, will ya? Don't rip off others and be what you are not.

If that brain of yours is not left under the toilet seat somewhere, or accidently disposed off down the chute, or even smeared when someone wiped it off their backside, I guess you should have some gray matter left to do something more constructive with your life? Ja?

Stop irritating my kids. They need to get their brains in gear, concentrating on their studies so that they have a future. Not spend time on the net, chatting with a juvenile non-entity/ parasite without a life who needs a dictionary to even understand most of the words written here.

Signing off...

P.S. If you need advice on how to get a life, feel free to drop me a mail.

************************************************************************************

Sigh, now that this is out of the way... Back to marking... Sob sob... :-p

I Went Out With 2 Air Stewardesses Last Night

2006-10-09T07:03:00.001+08:00

Yes.

You've got that right.

Not one, but two.

One recently ex-stewardess, and one soon-to-be ex air-stewardess actually.

Anyway, I was rather bored last week. I mean, its exams, and that means marking. Lots and Lots of marking. Feeling bored, I called my friend, an air-stewardess, or, more precisely, an ex-air stewardess. We arranged dinner on Sunday. Tea actually, but it dragged (I was late... Stupid 854), so we had dinner instead.

We went for mass after that (her religion, I tagged along for fun), and met a friend of hers there.

So now that we are 3, we went to Chomp Chomp, had drinks & ice-cream, and talked about the world in general till 10.

After the outing, I've came to a few conclusions.

One: Pretty women are still women. They are insecure.

Two: They need affirmation from men. Even ugly ones.

Three: Working life is funny. So long we look at it from the right frame of mind.

Four: There are jerks every where we look. Time to change our glasses.

Five: The younger generation is getting rude, lacking basic manners and courtesy.

Six: We need to become jerks and bitches to knock some basic manners into them.

Seven: Everyone needs a holiday.

Eight: Money is very important.

Nine: And so on, and so forth (Ok, ok, so I lied, 9 points is more than just a FEW, so what? Live with it! :p)

Anyway, I realised that I needed this break more than they do. I am made so tired by the constant stress at work. So much so I have absorbed it, shouldered it, and adjusted to it for so long that without a restful interlude for comparison, I have not realised how much I have changed. And in this change, lost some of the principles I've held so dear.

I believe I've made the right decision. It is time to break out of this situation so I do not bury who I am under what life wants me to become.

I'm not Acting!

2006-09-09T22:44:00.000+08:00

This made my day some time back...

I was teaching in class, and as usual, a kid of mine started making noise and giving all kind of problems. I've tagged him attention seeker 1. Not a crime certainly, just that his intelligence could have been put to better use.

Anyway, I was scolding him, and haranguing him, and finally, I gave up and asked him in a sarcastic manner, " JH! Stop acting in such a stupid manner!".

His kick-ass killer riposte that's supposed to shut me up? "But Mr Goh, I'm not acting what!".

Sigh..... I rest my case.....

Updates: More gripes... :-p

2006-08-03T17:23:00.000+08:00

Well... Its been a long time since I last blogged. I was actually hoping to put up the photos of my last accident, the sprain that kept me out of action for 2 weeks, and the last chiong session I had, as well as continue griping about what's been going on in my life, especially work life recently.

Seeing as how I do not have my photos with me now, I guess the only thing to do was to gripe... Heehehe, something I'm getting better and better at everyday :)

Anyway, there was a large amount of complaints on the news and forums about education in Singapore (as usual), so I would like o share my two-cents worth about it.

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1) Discipline: Between Kids and Teachers

The situation in Singapore, as such that most Singaporeans seem to have lost respect for the teaching profession. Sadly, I speak not only from personal experience but also from what I garner from feedback in Internet forums, the newspapers, and so on.

Most teachers begin as graduates. they joined the profession out of a passion for teaching, as well as a passion for learning which they had hoped to pass on to the newer generation. However, with the latest initiatives, the key focus is not so much on teaching per se, but on the satisfication of parents and students, i.e. customer statisfaction.

Complaints from parents and students are taken more seriously than values to be learnt. Pandering to whims and desires take precedent over lesson objectives. Teachers are encouraged to take a stand on educational issues, but slammed when there is the slightest hint of public scrutiny. The personal beliefs, biaseness, and sometimes personal grudges of parents and students are taken more seriously than the professional concerns of educators.

Is this truly the educational climate we should be striving for?

Are teachers and ministry officials customer service officers or educators?

Is it truly more important to pander to the whims and wants of non-education-professionals than to educate a child?

Are we forgetting here that we are paying some of the best minds, best graduates from the best universities in the world? Where have the respect for these people went? Where did the consideration or respect for the opinions or advice of the trained, professional educator go?

2) Crossing the line

I feel that there are always black sheeps among any industry. Education not withstanding. There are good educators, and then, there are those who are out just to make a living.

However, before we point the finger, let us examine what are the factors which drive our educators to take that final drastic step towards folly. Did the parents do their part in monitoring the progress of the child? Were school counsellors involved in counselling the child. Were these actions sufficient?

I feel that in many cases, parents, teachers, counsellors, indeed, even the cane have no effect on certain children. They have so insulated from the real world, so protected, or convinced of the 'justness' of their own actions that they believe they will not truly, truly I say again, come to grief. They have this idea that somehow, someone else will always back down, that they can back down any authority figure, because this happened often enough. A simple threat of complaint to the ministry will often force a teacher to back down over threats of disciplinary actions. No reason why this should not work again. They fail to realise that though a school is supposed to prepare them for real life, working life, it is but a poor mimicry. No amount of caning can substitute for the amount of grief they can come to in a court of law. No amount of scolding , chiding, or detention from your teachers can substitute a night in the lock-up. A letter from your parents will not save you from the hangman's noose, heck, it will not even save you from the court's sentence.

Despite this, teachers and schools are often forced to back down, or give a chnace due to this threat of 'letter to MOE' that students and parents alike love to wave around. Is this true education? Can a child truly learn from his mistakes then?

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I think I've rambled long enough now, hahahaha... This is what happens when you spend 12 hours at work continuously with nary a break.

I believe that one should never be intimidated of today's educational climate if one is truly sincere about being a true educator. If you are truly serious about being a good teacher, a true teacher, the like and dislike of your students should be immaterial, because as they say in chinese, 'good medicine can be bitter'.

I would not break. I would not back down. I will enforce discipline using my rules, my stand, my way.

Carrot and the stick, eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth, arm for an arm, life for a life.

Whew...

2006-06-13T23:10:00.000+08:00

Well, its been a long while since my last update. There has been a lot going on in life lately, especially with work.

It seems like my work has been taking over my life, I noticed I gripe about it alot, even when I'm with friends. To all those who have been listening to all my complaints and griping without complaints, a big THANK YOU!!! Your listening ears have been a great source of relief for me, I really really appreciate you guys... THANKS!!!

Anyway, my griping and complaints should end soon. I have made my decision. Hopefully, the results would be positive ")

I will keep you guys updated, and in addition, I'll try and update this blog on a more regular basis... So long I can get some time away from work... "p

Rememberances

2006-02-14T22:24:00.000+08:00

Yet another year... Yet another Valentine's.

I guess this year is unique in a sense because I chose to mark papers alone at home.

Time has flown so quickly. Many things has been happening over the last few years. I've made new friends, caught up with the old... Gone places, done things, lived experiences.

On this day this year, this day supposedly set aside for lovers, I found myself with my memories. Yet I am strangely glad I am home. Though there is no one by my side tonight, I am not alone. I have my memories... My memories of old... Gentle and warm... Sweet... They are as old friends, whispering words, bringing back the touches gentle, words sweet, and kisses tender.

My thoughts are somewhere, and I am not alone.

Valentine's... Humbug!!

2006-02-14T22:18:00.000+08:00

Quite pissed off today.

It started quite well this morning. I saw my kids rushing, and trying so earnestly to raise funds in the morning. However, as the day progresses, I began to see all the things I do not like.

Lack of basic courtesy. Lack of concern. Lack of regard for others. In fact, pretty much a lack of everything a decent human being should possess.

The class was in a mess. Flowers are strewn everywhere. Money was used for other purposes.

I see the efforts of a few dedicated students thrown to the winds by their classmates who simply do not care.

Enough.

Grow old along with thee, the best is yet to be...

2006-02-05T00:34:00.000+08:00

Who knows where the road will lead us

Only a fool would say,

But if you let me love you

I'm sure to love you all the way.

- From the song "All The Way"

-(by Frank Sinatra)

Hhmmm... Sigh...

2006-01-04T14:28:00.000+08:00

Haha... Lots to complain about even though its only the 2nd day of school, haha :)

Was 'invited' to the Principal's office yesterday. The conversation went somewhat like this:

'Mr Goh, what committees and projects are you involved in this year?'

'Well sir, the IT committee, Red Cross as well as English Debate team.'

'Well, how would you like to join the Discipline Committee and be a level coordinator for discipline?'

'Well...'

'Actually, we've looked at some teachers and we feel that you have the potential, character and qualities to succeed this responsibilty.'

'Well sir...'

(And since I cannot say no, it went downhill from here...)

Actually, I am sort of glad that I am offered this position. It is a sort of compliment because the management seems confident that my strength is in this area. On the other hand, it does mean extra work for no extra pay... Sigh...

I guess that since I've said 'yes', its best to do as Johnny Rico did, say 'Yes Sir!' and take a swing at the job :P

Start of School!!!

2006-01-03T10:52:00.000+08:00

I can't believe I was late for school this morning...

Slept late at 3am. I guess I'm too used to staying up late nights partying, and waking up in the late afternoon at my own leisure.

It feels strange to be back in school, yet oddly, comforting in its familiarity, like an old friend, welcoming you home after a long absence.

The workload seems lighter in comparison to last year's, but I harbor no illusions in this regard. Things always look easier on paper after all.

I will work harder... Ganbatte!

Truism

2006-01-01T07:17:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, humour is all we have to say the things that can't be said.

2005-12-31T03:36:00.000+08:00

My frustration with my dad has reached a new peak.

Christmas Party!

2005-12-27T00:56:00.000+08:00

Hhhmm...
Quite a busy Christmas this year, went for two parties in a row, X'mas Eve and X'mas itself... So i am pretty zonked now... Haha...

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Christmas Eve -

Bought a present for myself, the Nokia 6680, with a spare batt as well as a 512mb card... Yeah!!! :-D

Went for my first salsa class. It was supposed to be the 3rd lesson, but I missed the first 2 cos I was in Taiwan for lesson 1, and was recalled, i.e. mobilized by my unit for lesson 2.

It was quite a large class, unlike the party dance, and pretty fun. Salsa is pretty easy to pick up... I managed to catch up with the class after only a few hiccups. Its pretty fun, and there are lots of new faces, along with a couple of old ones, haha... Sure looking forward to completing the course and meeting new friends ;)

Anyway, went home to pick up my new phone cos they did not transfer the data from my old SIM card over. After that, joined some salsa friends, old and new for pool at Chinatown area, followed by Xen Bar, this salsa club around the corner.

I have to admit it was quite an interesting experience, having an entire room to ourselves for practice... But the party atmosphere was dead, dead, dead!! Its Christmas Eve for Chrissakes!!!
Oh well... Guess we still don't know each other well enough to let our hair down... :p

Anyway, had a nice supper of 'pi tan' porridge before the guys kindly gave me a ride back... Thanks Jon ;)

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Christmas Day -

Spent the morning and part of the afternoon dozing... Must be getting old... Used to be a time when I can go on all day after a party the night before... Sigh... :(

Anyway, made my way to Des's place in Yishun.

The food and munchies were great... Thanks Des! And the party games Des n Ali insisted on making us play were hilarious as well... Hahaha!! The ladies trounced the guys (What do you expect? They had all the Karaoke Queens over there!) and the guys... Well... Licked their wounds by drinking... Hahaha!!

Anyway, I was glad to be with this group of good friends. Year after year, no matter what happens... That probably explains why I was tipsy before midnight... haha... Was happily mixing and sloshing... A big no no.

A word of caution to all those who likes to drink. If you like a high without the side effects, just stick to ONE, repeat ONE type of alcohol. Do not mix. The headache was pretty bad for me after having about 3 types of different drinks in me after my 6th cup... Yippee (Bleargh!) :p

Well... serves me right :)

The only other highlight of the night was when Des's bed collapsed due to severe overloading of people... And the 4am supper we had...

Well... Thats all folks... Merry Christmas!!!! :D

Back From Taiwan: Updates Part 1

2005-12-20T23:21:00.000+08:00

Came back from Taiwan a couple of days ago. A lousy start when my N6600 self destructed 30mins before I was supposed to get to the airport... 2 frantic calls later and I finally got a replacement phone for use over in Taiwan... Thanks bro ;)

Its not too bad a place, some interesting scenery, makan, and stuff. I guess the weather was quite cool... Which makes for a nice contrast compared to Singapore :)

There were many interesting and funny events that happened throughout the trip... From K's romantic interludes, to A's hyperactivity disorder, ending with me chatting up a Hirosue Ryoko lookalike, hahaha! Suffice to say that I will try my best to touch on the highlights :)

Anyway, 14 days was abit long, probably because I went over budget. Somehow, a holiday is not as fun when you are constantly reminded of budget constraints... Especially when one is shopping around in XiMenDing... Though I had fun :p

Anyway, just like to post a few highlights of the 14 day trip:

1) Ri Yue Tan or Sun-Moon Lake

Its quite an interesting place, so named because there are '2' lakes situated side by side, one round, and the other a crescent, though it takes a short stretch of the imagination to make it so ;)

We took a day trip for like NT1000. The scenery was quite good... Mountains, Lake, and with cool weather to boot, viviting 2 temples, the pagoda Chiang Kai Shek built for his mum, as well as various other locales of interest dotted around the lake. You can see the underground source of the lakewaters in the picture above. It was unlucky though that the weather was rather misty throughout our day tour because a cloud front had moved in, according to the taxi driver cum guide. Therefore, a large number of our photos turned out rather... Blurred... :p

We stayed in a partially renovated hotel, the Honeymoon Hotel. Quite a nice place. The owner of the hotel owns the 24hr convenience stall next door as well, so it was literally both a family owned establishment as well as a monopoly.

The beds were the best throughout the whole 14 day trip. One queen sized bed each for K and I. Best of all, it costs just NT1000, which is slightly over S$25 each for a night's stay... Sweet ;)

2) Alishan

Went up the mountain via Chiayi. K and I were extremely disappointed by the accomodation. The queen sized bed alone took up 70% of the room space. There was barely enough space for our luggage, much less room for stretching. Its one heck of a huge difference from the promotional brochures we were shown at the railway station... Bleargh!

This was the coldest part of the trip so far. Temperature was hovering around 6 degrees the whole time, and thats like during the day! I did not even bother going out at night to check out how cold it was though I know K did... Haha... The things people do in the name of... Heehehe ;)

Anyway, we spent day one wandering around the park. The whole place was one huge natural reserve. Basically, we spent our time walking from place to place, exploring Sisters' Pond (JieMei Tan), Thousand Year Holy Wood (Qien Nian ShenMu), along with various interesting shaped trees.

Yup... Thats how poor we were... Living on instant noodles... Sigh ;)

Day two was spent waking up at 4.30am, just to catch the sunrise. The tour guide was pretty good at his business. We were introduced to various constellations, like Sorpio and Libra... Absolutely beautiful up in the mountains...

The sunrise was quite a sight... And I love it when the sunlight warmed me up. a few minutes after it rises. There's really no words to describe the feeling. One minute you're shivering in the cold morning air, and the next, you are feeling so warm, caressed by the light from the sun... :)

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I guess this post was a long time in coming... Working on a number of posts concurrently... So I will back date and put them up each time I am done... Please bear with me :p

Between People

2005-11-22T21:07:00.000+08:00

I am constantly amazed by the relationships between people. How a simple word, a shrug, an unbidden smile can signify the beginning, or the end of a beautiful friendship. The dynamics between two people, be they friends, family, or lovers is never a linear path. Often, we find it to be a twisted path. At times narrow and bleak, at times showing the beauty of this world.

In relationships, I guess that it is a most edifying and enlightening experience to be on the receiving end of forgiveness... And, I would imagine, to be the one forgiving others. We all make mistakes. Often, it takes but one party to make the first move, and a beautiful relationship is preserved. Often, in our anger, pride, shame, we forget that there is no 'right' or 'winners' in matters relating to others. And this often signals the end for many, whom fate has brought together.

I would like to live to see a world where people would take pains to treasure their friends and loved ones... Keeping close those who are true, rather than those who are 'better', because there can be no one better, than the one who is true to you.

Looking into the Lonely Basin

2005-11-14T20:44:00.000+08:00

Shot of vodka to the head.

Muses.

Quietly-like before the flickering screen.

The paths taken that lead to this point. As seasons pass before him. The river of time runs on... Even as he stands on the bank. All journeys but have one end. Death.

Numb.

As the alcohol takes over... Tears falls. But thats okay. Thats alright. That is merely the alcohol. It allows him release, which he would otherwise store. Keeping it buried, deep within. Likely a tumour. A cancer... Which will burn from within and eats him alive.

A clear mind is not what is needed. Regret do not come for one who lives his life with none. Not at this point, not at this moment, not ever. Though a flicker of it lingers, like the warm glow of a fine wine... The taste it leaves in his mouth... The aroma...

Solitude.

Man is born alone. He lives alone. And dies alone. Anon.

Lonely

2005-11-14T18:13:00.000+08:00

Mr Lonely
by Akon

Lonely, I'm Mr lonely,
I have nobody,
for my owwwn
I’m so lonely,
I’m Mr Lonely
I have nobody,
for my owwnnn
I’m so lonely

Y'all, this one here,
Goes out to all my players out there, man, ya know
They got that one good girl, dawg
That’s always been there man, like
took all the bullshit
Then one day she can’t take it no more
And decided to leave

Yeah
I woke up in the middle of the night
And I noticed my girl wasn't by my side,
Coulda sworn I was dreamin',
For her I was feenin',
So I had to take a little ride,
Back tracking on these few years,
Tryin figure out what
I do to make it go bad,
Cause ever since my girl left me,
My whole life can crash in a moment.. , I’m so

Lonely (so lonely),
I’m Mr. Lonely (Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
for my own (nobody for my own, girl)

I’m so lonely (so lonely)
I’m Mr. Lonely (Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
for my own (nobody for my own, girl)

Can't believe I had a girl like you
And I just let you walk right outta my life,
After all I put you through you still stucked
Around and stayed by my side,
What really hurt me is I broke your heart, baby
You a good girl and I had no right,
I really wanna make things right,
Cause, without you in my life girl, I’m so

Lonely (so lonely)
I’m Mr. Lonely (Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
for my own (nobody for my own, girl)

I’m so lonely (so lonely)
I’m Mr. Lonely (Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
for my own (nobody for my own, girl)

Been all about the world ain't never met a girl
That can take the things that you been through
Never thought the day would come
Where you'd get up and run
And I would be out chasing you
Cause ain't nowhere in the globe I'd rather be,
Ain't no one in the globe I’d rather see
Then the girl of my dreams that made me be
so happy but now so lonely

Lonely (so lonely)
I’m Mr. Lonely (Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
for my own (nobody for my own, girl)

I’m so lonely (so lonely)
I’m Mr. Lonely (Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
for my own (nobody for my own, girl)

Never thought that I would be alone (be alone),
I didn’t think you'd be gone this long, (gone for long)
I just want you to call my phone, So stop playing girl and
Come on home (come on home),
Baby girl I didn't mean to shout, (ohhh)
I want me and you to work it out, (work it out)
I never wished to have aHurt my baby (Hurt my baby)
And it’s drivin me crazy cause I'm so

Lonely (so lonely)
I’m Mr. Lonely (Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
for my own (nobody for my own, girl)

I’m so lonely (so lonely)
I’m Mr. Lonely (Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
for my own (nobody for my own, girl)

Lonely, so lonely, lonely,
So lonely, (so lonely),
Mr. Lonely, lonely, so lonely
So lonely, (so lonely, so lonely), Mr. Lonely

The Phone

2005-11-13T22:55:00.000+08:00

He looks at the phone with longing. Wanting to make the call. He reached out. Cold piece of metal and plastic conveying human warmth and well wishes.

It is enough that they breath the same air and share the warmth of the same sun.

He stayed his hand. And smiled.

The stork strikes!

2005-11-12T20:53:00.000+08:00

Here's the latest addition to the family... My baby Cousin, Jocelyn Tan Jieling! Cheers!!! :-)

Coincidence :)

2005-11-12T00:33:00.000+08:00

Just finished watching Takuya Kimura's Pride... A Japanese drama about romance and ice hockey... Pretty good...

I was playing the catchy theme song in my head, surfing a couple of websites and Blogs when to my surprise, I found the lyrics to the same song on a blog...

Haha... Coincidence? :)

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I Was Born To Love You
by Queen

I was born to love you
With every single beat of my heart
Yes, I was born to take care of you
Every single day...

chorus:
I was born to love you
With every single beat of my heart
Yes, I was born to take care of you
Every single day of my life

You are the one for me
I am the man for you
You were made for me
You're my ecstasy
If I was given every opportunity
I'd kill for your love

So take a chance with me
Let me romance with you
I'm caught in a dream
And my dream's come true
It's so hard to believe
This is happening to me
An amazing feeling
Comin' through

chorus:
I wanna love you
I love every little thing about you
I wanna love you, love you, love you
Born - to love you
Born - to love you
Yes I was born to love you
Born - to love you
Born - to love you
Every single day - of my life

An amazing feeling
Coming through

chorus:
Yes I was born to love you
Every single day of my life

Go, I love you babe
Yes I was born to love you
I wanna love you, love you, love you
I wanna love you
I get so lonely, lonely, lonely
Yeah, I want to love you
Yeah, give it to me

Charmed? Hahaha!!

2005-11-07T10:31:00.000+08:00

I was so bored today that I did some questionnaires and got these... Hahaha! True/False?

I guess only those who knows me best can judge ;)

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Your Seduction Style: Sweet Talker

Your seduction technique can be summed up with "charm"You know that if you have the chance to talk to someone...Well, you won't be talking for long! ;-)You're great at telling potential lovers what they want to hear.Partially, because you're a great reflective listener and good at complementing.The other part of your formula? Focusing your conversation completely on the other person.Your "sweet talking" ways have taken you far in romance - and in life.You can finess your way through any difficult situation, with a smile on your face.Speeding tickets, job interviews... bring it on! You truly live a *charmed life*

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The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

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You're a Romantic Kisser

For you, kissing is all about feeling the romanceYou love to kiss under the stars or by the seaThe perfect kiss involves the perfect moodIt's pretty common for kisses to sweep you off your feet

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How You Are In Love

You take a while to fall in love with someone. Trust takes time.In relationships, you tend to be a bit selfish.You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time.You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change.You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

Dead system... Old system...

2005-11-02T10:34:00.000+08:00

I am pretty sure I should be asking for a transfer next year.

Please do not misunderstand me. Its not the students. Its the system. My frequent run ins with the system and my superiors should be common knowledge by now. The bottom line is that I simply cannot work for an organization that has differing ideals from me. Or, to put it this way, that do not live up to its own ideals.

For me, the purpose of an education system should exist to serve the students. To provide them with opportunities to excel, to progress, to provide them recognition for their efforts and hard work...

But.

I am tired of fighting the system. My system. My kids may be naughty, they may be hard to teach. But deep down inside, they are like all of us. All they require is for someone to have faith in them, to trust them, and to guide them. They need someone to give them a chance, and I am feeling tired fighting the system, fighting just to give them that chance. The system simply writes them off so often, even when they make the grade, even when they fight so hard. I cannot understand why their hard work and effort, their core character and work attitude are so often ignored. Are results all that matter? What about when they make the grade then? Why deny them then and give the excuse that their character might be in doubt? Why tell the parents that the teachers' opinions matter when our opinions were never taken into account, and force us to accept their decision and toe the company line?

I may call them rascals, fools, etc... But.

ha... Oh well, I guess I'll be looking for an idealistic school. A school which believes in giving its students a chance, having faith in their ability to succeed rather than a school which closes the door... Often because it is so much easier to close a door than to open one.

Updates: Part 2

2005-11-02T08:36:00.000+08:00

Here goes...

September

Well, the second highlight of September is the controversy over a trip to Taiwan. Now that its over (more or less), with the carcasses been removed, the blood soaked into the dust, the walls are cleaned of brain tissue etc... I feel that I may have my say now.

Actually, the entire issue can be summed up with one word. 'I'. Yes... 'I'. Both sides have their own points of view, their problems lie with the fact that it is very difficult for them to accommodate the other side's point of view. Hence 'I'.

The same goes for me... I was lamenting that no one spattered a thought for me too. For example, why should I be shunted off to one side when I have been one of the originators of the plan? Why should I be so busy looking for deals, contacting people, collecting money etc? And at the end of it all, be shunted off to another group, as if I know one side better than the other? I felt betrayed... Belittled... Made use of... Angry... GGGrrrrR...

Sigh...Well, I guess I have made emergency plans... I can always elope with my 'gay' buddy K if anything goes wrong, hahaha!! Or better yet, watch the catfight from a corner ;)

Conclusion?

None at all... In psychology, we learn about self serving biaseness and how it serves to distort our world view around us. I am not so... Full of it that I can claim that I am free from it. The most I can do is that I know and I am aware of it and thus will try very hard not to let it shape my views and attitudes towards others.

I guess what this world needs more is a lot of tolerance... Perhaps love.... World Peace!! Hahaha!!! ;)

Updates: Part 1

2005-11-02T01:17:00.000+08:00

Well... Its been a while since my last update. Been hearing some complaints about that, haha, so here goes... A few months mumblings all at one shot ;-)

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August

Not a lot here... Basically its work work and more work. Since its an update, suffice to say that I won't bore any readers here so long I keep it short and sweet, haha :-)

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September

Teacher's Day

Received a large number of presents and cards. Thank you kids... Especially for the porcupine-y card that is supposed to resemble my hair... And that nice card from my debaters, and from my Normal Tech kids, my former students, etc etc. Really appreciated the effort. The chocolates helped too, but... Haha... I have to say NO in the future... Not to the cards, just the chocolates... Mr Goh is ballooning... Haha... Don't want to follow in the footsteps of Mr A*** ya know? ;)

September Week Break

Got bombed... Arrowed actually, but its such a big arrow, it might as well be a bolt from a balista. Been called to co-lead a student team to climb Mt Kinabalu. 4 days of holidays burnt! Argh!!! And with the dept meetings, setting of exam papers and stuff, that's like... Another 3 days burnt... Plus a couple of days for prepping and shopping for equipment etc... Its all gone, gone!!! No Hols for ME!!!

Surprisingly, it was a fun trip on the whole... I outdid myself by hauling my big fat ass up the mountain... Haha... All the way to the 4065m mark before I stopped. 30 m from summit. Why? I wish I can answer that question. The best I could do was that, well, I felt that there's nothing left to prove. I am near the top, 30m either way don't mean a thing anymore... ;)

Anyway, it was fun beating half the kids, and a guide up the mountain... Hahaha... And the view was fantastic too.

Anyway, a picture says a thousand words, so...

Here's me, looking smug before the climb...

The long rocky road... Like the Energizer Ad, it just goes on...

And on...

The 2nd day's climb started at 2am... In many ways, its a race against the rising sun...

But the view at the top... Was most spectacular... Agreed?

Can't forget a few dorky photos of me in winter wear... Hahaha!!

Finally, the highlight of the entire trip... Seafood! Where else can you get 2 abalones, 1 claypot sharksfin, 10 prawns and a steamed fish all to yourself for less than S$30?? Yum Yum!! I'm stuffed!!! ;-)

Happy Birthday Singapore!

2005-08-09T19:53:00.000+08:00

I was marking quite a few journals these days. The topic was, 'if World War 3 is to occur tomorrow, I would...'.

A large number of entries stated that they would run, hide, escape if war is to descend on our doorsteps. What is happening to our young that the 'escapist/ defeatist' mentality is so prevalent nowadays? It is indeed easier to give up... Easier to simply run away from your problems... But is this right?

I guess I must be of the old school. I still believe in fighting a good fight. I still believe in championing lost causes. I still believe... Because once you have lost your belief, you would have lost all hope, and when all hope is lost, so lost is the purpose of life.

Perhaps this is the most important lesson after all... The lesson of life, to find something or some purpose to which you can dedicate your life...

Loss

2005-07-18T21:29:00.000+08:00

It will be the last time I see her for 2 years...

The send off this morning at the airport was pretty ordinary... Just me, her dad, mum, brother, and a girl buddy. It was pretty rushed as well, thanks to the security people who insists on ransacking her every piece of luggage. I am of mixed feelings about that... On the one hand, it does mean the passengers are not bringing in contraband, which is a good thing, on the other, we had less time to say good bye... I digress...

The sense of loss did not strike me until now. I guess she must be safely at her new apartment by now, unpacking, chatting with her new room mates... Settling in.

She has always been there for me. Although we did not always talk to each other, but... There is a sort of chemistry between us, we have always understood each other as perfectly as two individuals can ever hope to do so. Although there is one other whom I can feel so completely at ease with... She is the one whom have shared so much with me... And hurted me so, just as I have hurted her and loved me, just as much as I have loved her.

I guess its true that you do not appreciate the people around you until they are gone. Although she is just abroad, I feel lost. It is as if a piece of me is missing. An important piece I have not even realised was there until it was removed. It was always in the background, yet it was always there... And the loss... The sense of loss...

As I think of her, there is this ache in my heart that threatens to bring me to tears, and I do not understand why. Is it the thought that I would not see her again for the next 2 year? That she is not around, physically? Or is it just self condemnation for giving her up once a long time ago?

On my way to the airport this morning, I was constantly questioning myself why I was going. I owe her a letter, and I spent 20 frantic minutes searching for a shop at the airport for stationery and writing material. I wanted to put thoughts to paper... I feel that I owe her this much. Just a short message would do. Nothing much... Nothing but just a few words to wish her well, godspeed and bon voyage, but yet I failed. I have let her down...

************************************************************************************

If you are reading this now, SY, you will always be someone that I will treasure and hold dear to my heart. All the best on your new journey. You can do it!

Shit happens...

2005-07-05T23:15:00.000+08:00

There's been lots happening lately...

Overworked, undersappreciated (Whats new? Haha...)

Been called to do my duty to the nation... Twice in a row... (Not making babies... But quite bad enough, thank you *grin*)

My grandparents are getting old. My granddad's been in and out of the hospital rather often lately. My grandma has been complaining of pain in her joints and stuff...

Been reading some BlOGs... I guess there's a lot of things happening to the friends around me.

I should count myself lucky. After all, I am doing something I am always very passionate about. I like teaching... Correction, I love teaching... There is always something new you can learn from your kids, and from yourself. Life skills you cannot pick up in any other job, anywhere else. My only complaints are that the additional duties and make work are distracting me from what I love to do most... :)

I am proud of being able to serve my nation. Although I know and realise that I am but a cog in the machine, a small cog, very very small... But at least I am able to contribute in my own way to the continued existence of my home. Something which many people around the world are forced to pay for in blood. I consider some sweat and toil on my part a small price to pay. Silly? Naive? Perhaps... But I have never mocked sincerity and effort from anyone and I am not about to start now. t is from the little things that we take from granted each day that great things are made...

Death...

I guess I am coming to terms with the fact that I am going to lose my grandparents one day. Sad? Yes... Sorry? No... They have lived a long life. A long and fulfilled life. What is there to be sorry for if their existence on this earth have been so enriching and fulfilling? I can only hope that I can live each day to its fullest so I will not be sorry when my time to die comes.

Each day has to be lived as if its your last. Sounds easy? I think that is one of the hardest thing to do, because I've tried, and I am not very good at it. There are things I still feel I have time for, friends I have not called for along time because there is always next week. Work that is not done because there is always tommorrow. Affairs that are not settled because there is always the weekend.

But each day has to be lived that way because we do not know what the day will bring... Lightning might strike, a wrong turn, being at the wrong place at the wrong time... What is it about the human psyche that makes us procrastinate? Fear of failure? Death of hope? Or just plain laziness?

Guess I have digressed...

************************************************************************************

All the best KY. May God be with you and family in this moment of trial.

Sick Sick... Cough Cough...

2005-06-25T23:05:00.000+08:00

This sucks... I mean... Truly, really sucks...

Been thinking of going on a short holiday. Couple of days in HK or Thailand would do me good.... recharge my spirits n stuff... but...

Haha...

Been coughing so badly I'll wake up every 2 hours at night... With blood and stuff.... Haha... Must have burst a few blood vessels here and there... At least the time in bed (sorta) ain't entirely wasted... Finished watching some 53 episodes of 'Initial D', something I once swore I would never do... :)

I wonder what is it about being sick. You are never sick when you feel tired and need an MC, yet will fall sick when you are enjoying a well needed break or holiday.

Hhmm.... wonder if the viruses keep a contractual schedule/ memorandum of understanding with our bosses.... Hahahaha!!

Right... Enough grumbling and conspiracy theories... Back to bed.... =p

House Warming Party

2005-06-12T22:47:00.000+08:00

Wow... What a night...

Really like to thank all my friends for turning up... I mean... Did not expect the turn-out I got... Thanks guys...

For coming straight after work... In the midst of your busy life... Straight after long journeys and flights to share a few hours to celebrate a new phase of life with me.....

I am really really grateful for friends like you all...

Thank you :)

Endings...

2005-06-05T02:06:00.000+08:00

If there is a God, He must be laughing at me right now.

Is this retribution for disappointing the women who have loved me? That I must always be attracted to those who would toy with my feelings, or be unable to reciprocate them...

A cosmic joke? Or divine retribution?

Hahaha

How stupid...

Depeche Mode ~ Somebody

2005-06-04T10:07:00.000+08:00

I want somebody to share
Share the rest of my life
Share my innermost thoughts
Know my intimate details
Someone who’ll stand by my side
And give me support
And in return
She’ll get my support
She will listen to me
When I want to speak
About the world we live in
And life in general
Though my views may be wrong
They may even be perverted
She’ll hear me out
And won’t easily be converted
To my way of thinking
In fact she’ll often disagree
But at the end of it all
She will understand me
Aaaahhhhh....

I want somebody who cares
For me passionately
With every thought and
With every breath
Someone who’ll help me see things
In a different light
All the things I detest
I will almost like
I don’t want to be tied
To anyone’s strings
I’m carefully trying to steer clear of
Those things
But when I’m asleep
I want somebody
Who will put their arms around me
And kiss me tenderly
Though things like this
Make me sick
In a case like this
I’ll get away with it
Aaaahhhhh....

Crossroads

2005-06-03T23:37:00.000+08:00

Once I have put words on paper, I know there will be no turning back. I know from the beginning that there may be no place in your heart for me. But each time I see you, each time we speak, I find myself falling deeper and deeper… Like the moth to the flame…

I do not dare to say that I love you. Love is too sacred a word. But I do like you… I really do. I know I have never held your hands… Nor held you in my arms… Or hug and comfort you when you were down. It is not that I do not want to, but I cannot…

I will not…

I do not want a moment of weakness on my part to cause you additional pain and an extra burden you do not desire.

You tell me each time I sent you home that you appreciate my effort. I would like to tell you this:

It is I who should be grateful… I thank my stars each time I get the chance to spend these moments together with you. I do not mind the long trip on the bus… Or the walk back to your block. I catch a glimpse of heaven each time I look into your beautiful eyes… The sweet scent of you as you walked by my side and the cool of the night... These walks shall always be among my most treasured memories.

Do you know that you are the most beautiful woman in the world? I want to tell you that each and every time we meet, yet the words are always stuck in my throat.

You are perfect in every way. Your smile, your laugh… Your voice… The maturity of thought and keen intellectual discussions we had… Our shared passion for life... Similar interests… Ideals and values, about people, about family… You are so strong and yet so vulnerable… Streetwise, yet maintaining a carefree innocence, and a naiveté that is all too charming…

I do not know if you have any feelings for me… But the only way to go is forward, and once the line is crossed, there can be no turning back and the only way forward can hold something special only for two, no more.

As I write this, I knew that deep down inside, I have always dreaded this moment when a choice has to be made. I wish I could say that I can be happy so long you are happy but even if I can fool the whole world, I cannot lie to myself… It hurts too much to know that you are in the arms of someone else…

You are the only woman I have ever wanted to marry. You are the somebody I want by my side for the rest of my life, through good times and bad, happy and sad. All that I ever wanted is to stay by your side and keep you safe. To dry your tears as they fall, to give a shoulder for you to lie on when you are sad, and offer my arms when you need rest.

When heart meets heart… Love will light the way…

I hope that one day, you may meet me there by the crossroads so we may light life’s path together…

Moving in on Troubled Waters

2005-05-27T00:59:00.000+08:00

Been busy with details of moving to my own place recently... While... sorta my own... I mean... My money, but co-owned with my granny...

So I guess this is a bitching session about how broke I am... How messy it is to move my stuff.... Especially since I have packed away like 6 boxes of books now... And have yet to start on my liquors... Clothes and PC... Not necessarily in that order... Haha...

So I guess this fulfilled the moving in portion of my title... ;-)

As you can guessed... This is going to be a long entry...

Troubled...

Sigh... Got a warning I'm not meeting my boss' expectations. Guess my efforts next term have to geared towards petting her fanny... OOppPs! I mean... Kissing her Ass.... Erh... Wrong again... Meeting her expectations.... Haha... Sigh... Enough self pity here... :(

Been skipping meals... Thu: Parent-Teacher meeting. Lasted til 9pm, skipped dinner. Fri: Parent-Teacher Meeting. Lasted til 7.15pm, skipped dinner, got a scolding from my HOD... Again.

************************************************************************************

Guess my buddy is in trouble too... On the one hand, I can understand why he is so frustrated and angry... On the other hand, I did warn him...

The problem is that he is getting rather short tempered recently... Which never bodes well for courtship of any kind. I feel that he should just take things easy, and not just listen to what people say. After all, its his personal affairs, and what people tell other people can sometimes differ due to differing perspectives and it gets worse when your own interest skews these perspectives... Confused? I sure hope so... Hahaha!! ;-)

************************************************************************************

As for me?

Well... Getting the hot and cold treatment. Actually, I do not know if it can be termed that.

I guess I can take it easy because I am not putting in too much effort... But... Sigh... Sometimes, life just aint fair... Nor easy... Haha...

I guess I do not dare to try too hard because I believe I would fail. Yet like a moth to the flame, I would flit ever closer and closer... Allowing myself to be drawn deeper and deeper.

Every moment i spend with her is an eternity... Each time I look into her eyes, I get a glimpse of heaven. I feel like my heart is as wide as the ocean... Deep enough for her to pour all her trouble...

Enough rambling for one night... I guess...

Quarter Life Crisis

2005-05-05T18:32:00.000+08:00

Time to stop and take stock of my life so far...

Quarter Life Report Card

5Cs...?

Condo = Nope... Does my own HDB apartment count?

Cards = Yup, Yup... sigh :'(

Cash = Haha... Well... If I wait for another 23 years...

Career = Whatever mess I am making of it now...

Car = I got a flat! What do you think??

Love Life = Currently zilch...

Working Life = Buried alive

Friends = Most are buried in the same grave

Remarks

Do I sound pessimistic?

I don't know. I guess it is interesting to do a reflection of life at every stage. Right now, I do feel that what I am doing is right.

My kids were asking:"Have you always wanted to be a teacher? Do you like to teach?"

Simple questions... But thought provoking nevertheless. I guess I still have to say yes. Maybe not what I will do for the rest of my life, but I have to say that I still love to teach... Its the paper work and office politics that sucks...

"Get a girl who can understand your situation. Its not enough that you love each other. Find someone that your grandparents will approve of. Find someone who is all this and rich to boot."

Haha.... good advice from a friend of mine. But since when did love had anything to do with common sense and cold logic? I still have time... not much... but a year or two is plenty... I guess...

"I still like her."

Another friend. Is it easier to love someone in secret? Or better to just declare it and bring it into the open? Isn't it just some time ago that you declared your disappointment... and yes... hate for her? Is love the root of all hate.. or vice versa? Do I even care?

I have my own problems to handle. Personal demons to wrestle. My own bear to chain. Selfish? Perhaps.

Overall

He is a conscientious and quietly dilligent student. He is capable of shouldering greater responsibilities and communicates well. With concentration and greater effort, he should be able to achieve better results.

Pissed... I shall strive harder!

2005-04-24T21:25:00.000+08:00

"Why is that not marked? Look at Mr *** 's file... Erm... Not marked either... Never mind.. Why is there so little homework? Look at this!"

"As a young, male teacher, you should not have so many days of MC... Let me check... Hhmmm... Only 2... Never mind... My point is..."

************************************************************************************

Sigh... And so it went at my 2nd review of files today. Sigh, guess I was wrong to give so little homework to them.

Never mind the fact that they outscore the next class, who did so much more...

Never mind that they retain their positive attitude towards learning, which is not crushed out of them by mind numbing workloads...

Never mind that Mr Lee had recommended that teachers should promote a programme of "Teach Less, Learn More"... Or as my colleague had remarked in grim humour, Teach less, not do less... Haha...

Oh well... Thou shall do thy best... And bury them alive with work...

Friends

2005-04-20T21:16:00.000+08:00

It has been quite a while since my last post...

I have been getting used to workdays lasting 12 - 14 hours... Getting by on 4 and a half hours of sleep night after night.

It used to be that I can look forward to having a nice dinner with friends after work, or retain an active social life... Now?? Haha...

I guess it is not easy for all of us fellow voyagers in this line. Teaching should never be easy... Or we would be getting all kinds of Toms, Dicks and Harrys... Or would we?

Anyway, I shall carry on striving... And find my simple pleasures while I may...

Argh! Back to the mountain of paperwork!!!

Turn Left Turn Right

2005-03-31T22:11:00.000+08:00

Its times like this which makes you wonder... If the person that passed you by the one true love of your life...

If only you've met them at the right place...

The right Moment...

The right Time...

That the moment was right... But the person is not the type you are looking for...

Or you are just too late...

A Dance of Words

2005-03-17T02:17:00.000+08:00

C: "It is a beautiful night."

K: "Only because of you."

C: "..."

K: "If life is measured by the moments we live, I have never felt as alive as when I am with you. Would you take my hand?"

C: *quietly assents*

K: *clutches it to his heart*
" Can you feel my heart beating? I have never ever truly felt at peace, unless I am in your company. You are the salve to my wounded soul... "

C: "Haha... Its not funny..."

K: " Is it? I am deadly serious. Can you not feel it? With your hand in mine, we are one. Feel my heartbeat and say that I am lying. You know that it is true, for I cannot be untrue."

C: " ..."

K: "Never in my life have I felt so contented and peaceful. You are the difference. I cannot stop thinking about you ever since I've met you. Yours is the first face that I see when I open my eyes and the last as I close my eyes to sleep. In work and in play, over meals.... I think of you so often that it is driving me... To distraction."

C: "Surely you are not serious...?"

K: "As sure as I know that the sun will rise from the east and set in the west... That fishes swim and birds fly... I have never opened my heart so throughly to any woman before. You are the only woman I have ever envsioned marrying..."

K: "I want to marry you. To hold you, and protect you... And take care of you til the end of our days... To hold hands as we walk along the beach, even as our hair turns silver and we grow old... I love you... Would you be mine?"

Somehow... It turn out differently from how I envisioned it in my mind...

Right

2005-03-07T22:17:00.000+08:00

What does it mean?

One word, many meanings... Different depths, many perspectives, multiple levels...

Do I be true to myself? Or am I simply being selfish?

Does happiness means watching someone's joy and laughter, or being the one to share them?

Am I just being stubborn? Optimistic? Stupid? Or a dreamer, pursuing his dreams?

Can I trust myself. Am I being emotional? Being swept up by the moment... Or is my gut instincts right? That this is the one. That it will be the regret of my life if I fail to try?

When is something ever 'right'? When you feel that it is so? When others tell you it is so? When your friends tell you it is so? When your teachers, siblings, parents tell you so? Or when the Government says so? Do I have the right? Is this right? Do I possess the right to deprive others of happiness? Or to win happiness for myself?

Still on Cloud 9 "D

2005-03-06T00:19:00.000+08:00

Godz...

I woke up this morning thinking about her. I went to work thinking about her. I went to the hairdresser thinking about her. I had lunch thinking about her. I attended the school function thinking about her.

Someone is going to punch that shit-faced grin off my face soon...

***********************************************************************************

This is incredible. I mean...

Great... At a loss for words again.

Where do I begin? Sigh...

hall I begin by saying how beautiful she was? Time stopped for me the entire night. Every breath I take, every step I walked, each sound I hear... I feel so alive with her by my side. Its like I have been moving through a dream, toiling... And she's the sunshine, the catalyst that brought me to life. I can just go on and on...

***********************************************************************************

Have you ever felt so at peace with the world. So comfortable with someone that you feel that you can trust him/her with anything and everything and never fear. Thats the feeling I had.

It doesn't matter what we talk about at all. Views are shared, opinions are listened to. Its like a sentence barely needs to be finished for each side to unedrstand the crux of the matter. And underneath it all, there is this energy, this attraction.

Man.... Really really gotta wipe this shit-faced grin off my face soon... Before my friends are all pissed...

Could it be... Magic?

2005-03-05T04:56:00.000+08:00

Tonight has truly been one of the most magical... Incredible.... Amazing... Ever...

It was just a casual date, but an evening that started so simply hid so many promises...

I do not know what to say. Words alone will fail me, simply because there is not enough words to express my true heartfelt feelings. The emotions swirling within inside... So totally consumes me...

She is so gorgeous... Like an angel... So soft, and gentle... Caring... Considerate... And the chemistry was incredible...

I never had so little for dinner, yet the sight of her... The conversation... The stimulation of the intellect and my senses alone are sufficient to satiate me...

The aimless walk around Orchard... The long slow journey on foot to the Esplanade... The breeze... The smell of salt along the rocks... The night, the stars....

I have never felt more alive... Its been years since I last felt this way. Looking into her eyes... The sound of her voice, her laugh, her smile... The sweet scent of her skin... It was all so incredible... I wanted the night to never end...

I want to hold her tight... To shield her from the cruelties of the world... I want to be there when she needs a shoulder to cry on... To kiss away her tears... To hold her when she's tired... To share my joy... Laughter... And experience life's journey together... Living each new experience... To rediscover the wonders of life, and to see and live through her eyes...

I am going crazy... Its been barely 2 hours since I sent her home... Watching as she climbed the stairs and I wanted to see her again...

Is this love?

Hydes Needs

2005-02-20T22:34:00.000+08:00

Hydes he,
Dark needs...

Innocence to crush and despoil.

Dark side, spotlight
Upon a virgin flower.

Vestige of dear beauty spied,
Spawned the beast of desire...

Desired to crush in bodily embrace,
Consume in passion, depraved love/ lust...

The Beast, he Hydes,
Within Nightside...

Commitments...

2005-02-14T22:23:00.000+08:00

Finally...

After months of wrangling, negotiating, I've put my name to paper and bought my apartment. My own house. Well, not mine alone (obviously, due to Singapore's Housing Laws "p), but sorta my place, and a retirement home for my grandparents.

It seems like such a small thing at first. Then suddenly, I realised that I'm committed. I'll be debt for the remainder of my working life, and maybe beyond, and the thought scares me. I've never liked the idea of being tied down to a place, a thing, a somebody. No doubt I did flirt with the notion at times... But still...

Tried telling myself that its an investment, that I can repay the loan way before it reaches its due term. Sigh... Lies...

Am I doing my duty by being the fillial grandson? Why should I? Why can't my uncles and aunties provide? Aren't my grandparents their parents? Shouldn't they be more concerned?

At times, I really do wonder what do adults think, despite the fact I am technically one of them now. All they are concerned about is how much my grandparents contributed towards the flat, how much they paid and how much I paid for the downpayment. As if I am cheating them of their inheritance. What nonsense. I paid for everything okay!!

Downpayment, through government grants, and CPF monies!!

My debt!

My loan to clear!!

Hands off you all!!!!

Sigh... Better start asking the lawyer about the making of a will for my grandparents and me... "(

V-Day

2005-02-12T23:10:00.000+08:00

Its that time of the year again.

You know? That time? When florists are smiling, and the guys are blushing... The gals would be waiting in anticipation or splashing on various goodies for looking good, tempers flare over the phone lines about last min reservations, while singles...

Is it so bad being single?

Sometimes, I really do wonder. The girls I am attracted too are all too often attached, or simply without chemistry. The ones whom likes me, I am not interested in.

I often tell myself that my work should come first. That I have time... That it is not fair if I commit myself, only to hurt her because my kids need me more than she does. Am I lying to myself? Is it fear of reaching, the terror that I might fail, or a lack of self worth stopping me from getting what I want?

Love is a curious thing... It strikes when you least expects it... But I've let slip one, and forsaken another ever since my last relationship... Isn't it time I find someone, anyone already?

I was watching 'I do I do' with a buddy of mine. Its a cliche. That the someone you are looking for is already by your side, do not be too choosy, settle for someone who loves you, not someone you love... Is it true?

Sigh... I am rambling again... Time to sleep...

Post Party Blues

2005-02-11T01:04:00.000+08:00

Old friends, old faces, new lines...

Everyone is stressed. Working life is draining everyone I know. Only the students are still genuinely happy. Why is this?

Are we doing the things we like? I am. I still enjoy teaching... HJ is doing his own business, in a field of his own choosing. K is doing something he wanted to do since years ago. SY is working in a field which allows her to march forward, B is working for something he has such enthusiasm for. So why are there so many lines on their faces? Why are there the same lines on mine?

We were all chilling out... Yet... So much are the same, and yet so much are different. Everyone was here in person, but not everyone are here in spirit. Where have all the laughter gone? The sense that the world is ours, that easy smile, the crappy jokes, where, where where?

How should we turn these frowns into smiles? Would you guys be the same next year? "(

Chinese New Year ")

2005-02-07T01:02:00.000+08:00

Haha... Its the time of the year when I would host a party at my place again ")

I'm feeling so excited about it... Catching up with old friends, having a wild time together, mahjong, cards, mixing and drinking or just plain chilling...

I can't wait! "D

Workaholic in Training

2005-02-01T15:48:00.000+08:00

I wonder what I am working for.

Each day is pass in a daze. Lessons, kids, lecturing, teaching, adminitration, preparation, reading, copying, writing...

I am turning into the corporate zombie I always dreaded. Attuned to work, immune to play. Playing the game to get ahead, making no sense of life. I watch my friends around me change. Changed by the monotony that is working life, change as life deals them a poor hand, a joker card. Laughter turns to solemnity...

I miss the chill out sessions. I miss partying all night. I miss the care free life I used to enjoy. Most of all, I miss my friends... "(

Disappointment

2005-01-29T16:31:00.000+08:00

Led the school team to defeat tonight.

Defeat never tastes easy. But it was still heart rending to watch my kids cry. They tried so hard, putting in hours of work, committing their time and effort.

I do not know what to feel. Disappointed, sad, angry...

Sometimes I wonder if I am doing to little for them? Was I too lenient with them, thus not preparing them enough for the competition? Should I be stricter? More demanding?

Perhaps this is much needed competition experience.

As we grow older "(

2005-01-23T02:01:00.000+08:00

Went to Chinatown with some friends today.

Our topics have changed from school life to working life. Stress, incompetents, plans, hopes, dreams.... Buying a new car, investments, geting an apartment, getting married, having children...

The tone was light, the company great, and the night was amazing with light breezes and gentle calm.... But underneath all these was a sense of world weariness. A tired soul.

I cannot believe that I am so old now. Was it only yesterday that we were making plans to change the world? Was it not once we had dreams so big, we could fly and be carried away on them? How was it I was talking like my parents were?

I miss school.

Busier & Busier...

2005-01-22T00:39:00.000+08:00

Life has been extremely hectic recently. Buried with work, work and more work. It was only last night that I managed to meet up with a friend for dinner. It seems that every one is facing the same problem... But I am glad that both of us are making the effort to find time for each other. Which is what friendship is about.

Been trying to pack everything into my schedule recently, haha, and complaining about only 24 hours in a day =)

Work, friends, socialising, gym, salsa, driving, family, leisure.... Where's rest?

I guess its sufficient so long I tried my best... Isn't it?

Sigh...

2005-01-11T10:43:00.000+08:00

Received a messgae from someone on friendster today.

I do not know how to reply.

How do you tell someone when the feeling has changed, like the ebb and flow of the tides...
That some things remain too raw to touch... That some hurts cannot heal... That some things cannot be forgotten...

Melancholy? Sigh.

Incompetents!

2005-01-10T01:34:00.000+08:00

Just returned from the orientation camp. Tired, sore and totally pissed off by our management.

Don't they know better than to get on our backs during the camp? When there are barely enough people to go around, handling three hundred odd campers??!!

Don't they know better than to approve our plans a month ahead, only to say that it don't work now?!

Don't they know better that their role is to oversee and advise, and not to micromanage?!!

Don't they know not to drag personal issues into professional lives??!!

Don't they know better than to criticise our young leaders, and give them pep talks til 3 am at night when they are the ones who insists on 8 hours of sleep, minimum?!!?

Don't they know better that education is about nurturing our young, rather than criticising them, and demoralising them?!

Don't they know better than to make promises to our kids, only to break those promises, and blame the kids for it??!!

Don't THEY KNOW BETTER!!!!??????

Tsunami

2005-01-02T00:01:00.000+08:00

I am glad I did not party last night.

It seems so... In appropriate to celebrate the coming of a New Year in the wake of so many deaths.

I guess some would justify it by saying life goes on. Cest la vie as the French would go. But its not me... I liked last night just fine. Spending some time in front of the computer screen, catching up with old friends, reminiscing about old times... Safe, secure...

I just recalled a very good friend of mine is supposed to be somewhere in Indonesia right now. Its a large country, and I hope he is anywhere but Aceh... I wanted to find out more, but pride prevents me. It seems so... Unmanly to admit your fears and concern even for a friend. Weird what pride can do sometimes... A very weird sense of pride...

Think I will call his mum soon...

A New Year..... A New Beginning

2005-01-01T15:54:00.000+08:00

Its quite weird to start writing again after such a long break...

The last time I committed my thoughts to paper was over 6 years ago. The last time I ever did so... The years after that, all that I wrote are for others. To satisfy the needs of lecturers and teachers, friends and committee, supervisors and subordinates, so on so on so on...

It just seems so fake and pointless sometimes that I've forgotten what to write, and how to write for myself. Free of fulfilling obligations, certain perceptions others have of me... Free from worrying about being polite... About political correctness... About who may be reading, and who may be offended...

Anyway, I guess I would just like to learn to write for myself again... To allow my thoughts to flow freely from my head onto the screen... And to share them with those friends close to me...

Happy New Year my friends... May the coming year be fruitful, joyous and blessed with love for each and everyone of you ")