Disappointment

Led the school team to defeat tonight.

Defeat never tastes easy. But it was still heart rending to watch my kids cry. They tried so hard, putting in hours of work, committing their time and effort.

I do not know what to feel. Disappointed, sad, angry...

Sometimes I wonder if I am doing to little for them? Was I too lenient with them, thus not preparing them enough for the competition? Should I be stricter? More demanding?

Perhaps this is much needed competition experience.

As we grow older "(

Went to Chinatown with some friends today.

Our topics have changed from school life to working life. Stress, incompetents, plans, hopes, dreams.... Buying a new car, investments, geting an apartment, getting married, having children...

The tone was light, the company great, and the night was amazing with light breezes and gentle calm.... But underneath all these was a sense of world weariness. A tired soul.

I cannot believe that I am so old now. Was it only yesterday that we were making plans to change the world? Was it not once we had dreams so big, we could fly and be carried away on them? How was it I was talking like my parents were?

I miss school.

Busier & Busier...

Life has been extremely hectic recently. Buried with work, work and more work. It was only last night that I managed to meet up with a friend for dinner. It seems that every one is facing the same problem... But I am glad that both of us are making the effort to find time for each other. Which is what friendship is about.

Been trying to pack everything into my schedule recently, haha, and complaining about only 24 hours in a day =)

Work, friends, socialising, gym, salsa, driving, family, leisure.... Where's rest?

I guess its sufficient so long I tried my best... Isn't it?

Sigh...

Received a messgae from someone on friendster today.

I do not know how to reply.

How do you tell someone when the feeling has changed, like the ebb and flow of the tides...
That some things remain too raw to touch... That some hurts cannot heal... That some things cannot be forgotten...

Melancholy? Sigh.

Incompetents!

Just returned from the orientation camp. Tired, sore and totally pissed off by our management.

Don't they know better than to get on our backs during the camp? When there are barely enough people to go around, handling three hundred odd campers??!!

Don't they know better than to approve our plans a month ahead, only to say that it don't work now?!

Don't they know better that their role is to oversee and advise, and not to micromanage?!!

Don't they know not to drag personal issues into professional lives??!!

Don't they know better than to criticise our young leaders, and give them pep talks til 3 am at night when they are the ones who insists on 8 hours of sleep, minimum?!!?

Don't they know better that education is about nurturing our young, rather than criticising them, and demoralising them?!

Don't they know better than to make promises to our kids, only to break those promises, and blame the kids for it??!!

Don't THEY KNOW BETTER!!!!??????

Tsunami

I am glad I did not party last night.

It seems so... In appropriate to celebrate the coming of a New Year in the wake of so many deaths.

I guess some would justify it by saying life goes on. Cest la vie as the French would go. But its not me... I liked last night just fine. Spending some time in front of the computer screen, catching up with old friends, reminiscing about old times... Safe, secure...

I just recalled a very good friend of mine is supposed to be somewhere in Indonesia right now. Its a large country, and I hope he is anywhere but Aceh... I wanted to find out more, but pride prevents me. It seems so... Unmanly to admit your fears and concern even for a friend. Weird what pride can do sometimes... A very weird sense of pride...

Think I will call his mum soon...

A New Year..... A New Beginning

Its quite weird to start writing again after such a long break...

The last time I committed my thoughts to paper was over 6 years ago. The last time I ever did so... The years after that, all that I wrote are for others. To satisfy the needs of lecturers and teachers, friends and committee, supervisors and subordinates, so on so on so on...

It just seems so fake and pointless sometimes that I've forgotten what to write, and how to write for myself. Free of fulfilling obligations, certain perceptions others have of me... Free from worrying about being polite... About political correctness... About who may be reading, and who may be offended...

Anyway, I guess I would just like to learn to write for myself again... To allow my thoughts to flow freely from my head onto the screen... And to share them with those friends close to me...

Happy New Year my friends... May the coming year be fruitful, joyous and blessed with love for each and everyone of you ")